Teaching Series: Look Up

Message Title: Elijah Was a Man Just Like Us

Sermon in a Sentence: “Elijah was a a man, just like us. He prayed earnestly (James 5:17a).”

Text(s): Psalm 121:1-2, 1 Kings 16-18, James 5:17

Message Summary:

We started a new series at Water’s Edge this week called Look Up. The theme verse from the series is Psalm 121:1-2:

I lift up my eyes to the mountains—
where does my help come from?
My help comes from the LORD,
the Maker of heaven and earth (NIV).

The Psalmist asks where he can turn for help, and he knows the answer.  “My help comes from the Lord.”  When we need help, we don’t look to other things or other people.  We’re called to lift up our eyes and turn to God.  In this series we’ll be learning what it means to live a life a prayer — a life that looks up.

To start off the series I told the story of Elijah.  In fact, most of this first sermon was just that, retelling the story of Elijah.  There wasn’t a list of life lessons to learn or an outline of points to be deduced from the text.  I just told the story.

I started with Elijah on Mt. Carmel, facing down 851 men (450 prophets of Ba’al, 400 prophets of Asherah, and evil king Ahab). 851 to 1 aren’t the world’s greatest odds, so it’s natural to question how did Elijah get himself into this mess.

To answer that question, you have to go back in story a bit.  1 Kings 16 introduces us to King Ahab with a pretty bleak description:

Ahab son of Omri did more evil in the eyes of the LORD than any of those before him. He not only considered it trivial to commit the sins of [his ancestors], but he also married Jezebel . . . and began to serve Baal and worship him. He set up an altar for Baal in the temple of Baal that he built in Samaria. Ahab also made an Asherah pole and did more to arouse the anger of the LORD, the God of Israel, than did all the kings of Israel before him (1 Kings 16:31-33, NIV).

That second sentence is truly telling.  Not only was he a part of the downward spiral of wicked kings in Israel, he considered the evil his ancestors had committed trivial, mere child’s play, compared to the evil he himself did.  And this passage also introduces us to the villainess  of the story, Jezebel, a woman so evil we’ve been using her name as a epithet ever since.

In fact things got so bad that God decided it was time to do something drastic to get the attention of the king and to turn the hearts of his people back to himself.  So he sent his prophet Elijah to Ahab with a startling message: “From this day forward, it will not rain in all of Israel, until I say it can rain.”

Now, just to be sure there was no confusion, Elijah clarified.  He’s not just talking below average annual rainfall.  He means no rain. None.  Not a single drop.  Not a sprinkle.  Not a mist.  In fact, there wouldn’t even be dew on the ground.  And not only for a week. Not for a month.  Not even for a year.  There would be no rain until Elijah said so.

And there wasn’t.

Days turned into weeks. Weeks to months.  Months to years.  One year became two.  Two years became three.  There was no rain.  It was like God had taken hold of the water valve in heaven and turned it off over all of Isreal.  Crops dried up.  Grass withered and wasted away.  Animals began to starve from lack of anything to graze.  People began to starve from lack of animals to eat.  This wasn’t an inconvenience.  This was a national disaster.

Of course this angered Jezebel.  And while it’s good to be king, it’s also true that when the queen isn’t happy, ain’t nobody happy.  And Jezebel wasn’t happy.  How dare this Elijah cause all these problems for her husband?  Who did God think he was?

In her anger, Jezebel sought to eradicate the worship of Yahweh, God of Israel, from the land.  She began to hunt down every priest and prophet of God that she could find to kill them.  But executing the priests and prophets didn’t change anything.  The drought continued.

Then, after three and a half years without any precipitation, God said to Elijah, “It’s time to talk to Ahab.”

Meanwhile, on the other side of the country things were getting desperate for Ahab.  It wasn’t so much a problem of people starving.  Ahab didn’t really care about his people.  He was worried about his horses.  It’s hard to stay king without an army to defend you.  And it was hard to have a formidable army back then without horses. And it’s hard to have horses without any water for the horses to drink, or grass for the horses to eat.

Ahab, in his worry, called Obadiah to his throne room.

Before we go any farther we should introduce you to Obadiah, because it would be easy to get the wrong idea about him.  Obadiah worked for the evil king and queen.  He was one of their royal servants.  But that doesn’t mean Obadiah himself was evil.  In fact, just the opposite was true.

While Jezebel was hunting down and executing every priest and prophet of Yahweh she could find, Obadiah was seeking out the prophets of God and hiding them in a pair of caves just outside the capital city.  He had managed to rescue 100 prophets from the wrath of Jezebel and was daily sneaking food and water out of the palace to care for them.  Obadiah was one of the good guys in this story.

Anyway, Ahab calls Obadiah to his throne room and tells him they must find food and water for the horses.  “You go that way,” Ahab tells him, “I’ll go this way.  We’ll search every spring in the country.  There must be water somewhere.”

While Obadiah was out searching he came across Elijah.  Stunned to see the prophet alive, and worried for Elijah’s safety Obadiah exclaims “Is that really you?”

“Yes,” Elijah replies. “Now go find Ahab and bring him here.”

Obadiah’s not a big fan of this plan.  He knows how prophets work.  They have this funny tendancy of going wherever God takes them.  Here one minute, gone the next.  Obadiah can just see it happening.  He tells Ahab that he found the prophet they’ve been searching everywhere for, brings him back to the place he last saw Elijah, and Elijah wouldn’t be there any more.  Ahab would be so mad, Obadiah would be dead, and there’d be no one to take care of the hidden prophets.

But Elijah reassures him he will speak to Ahab.  Obadiah fetches Ahab, and the two enemies face off.

“I can’t believe you’d have the courage to show your face,” Ahab says.  “Is that really you, the one who caused Isreal all this trouble?”

“I didn’t cause this trouble,” replied Elijah.  I’m not the one who abandoned Yahweh. I’m not the one who lead all Israel into idolatry.  I didn’t cause this drought.  I just announced it.  You’re the one to blame.  Here’s the plan, though.  Gather up all the leaders of Israel and meet me on Mt Carmel.  While you’re at it, bring along the 450 prophets of Ba’al you have working at the palace, and 400 prophets of Asherah that Jezebel likes so much.”

So, looking back, that’s how Elijah got himself into this mess, facing down 850 false prophets and one evil king.  And all the leaders of Israel are gathered around them, waiting to see what happens next.

It’s then that Elijah begins to preach to Israel.

“You are using religion as nothing more than a crutch.  You treat God as if his only purpose was to help hold you up on your weak knees.  And as if that wasn’t enough, not only are you treating God like a crutch, you’re turning away to other gods of your own making.  Like an indecisive cripple you hobble from crutch to crutch, hoping one minute the Lord will save you, asking Baal for help the next.  How long are you going to keep this up?  Do you think the Lord is willing to let himself be used for your own selfish gain?  Do you think he doesn’t mind that you’re also turning to false gods as well?  Quit it.  There aren’t two gods, there is only one.  If Ba’al is god – if he can really help you when you need it – then serve him and forget about the Lord.  But if the Lord is God, then quit running to Ba’al and serve him only.”`

Silence.

The people don’t even know how to respond. So Elijah continues. “Here’s how we’re going to settle this once and for all.  We’ll have a little contest.  Go get two bulls, as closely matched as you can get.”

(Do you think anyone had the guts to say “Hello? Remember the famine? Where are we going to find a bull, let alone two?”)

But Elijah continued, “Then, just so no one can say I cheated, I’ll let the prophets of Ba’al have first choice.  They can choose the bull they want.  Cut it up, lay it out on the altar for a burnt sacrifice.  I’ll do the same with the other bull.  But then instead of lighting the fire, we’ll pray and ask our gods to light the fire for us.  You guys pray to Ba’al.  That should be right up his alley.  He’s the God of lightning and storm, if anyone can send down a bolt of fire and ignite a pile of dry wood, he should be able to handle it.  I’ll pray to Yahweh.  Whichever God lights the fire first, that one is obviously the one true God.”

And so preparations are made.  The priests of Ba’al begin preparing their sacrifice, laying the wood and meat out on their altar.  Elijah on the other hand doesn’t even have an altar to burn on; Ahab had torn down Yahweh’s altar years ago.  But no worries, Elijah just stands back and watches.

When the sacrifice to Ba’al is prepared, the prophets begin to pray.  “O Ba’al, hear us,” they chant. “O Ba’al, answer.”

Only he didn’t.  All morning long they prayed and chanted.  But nothing happened.

When lunchtime came around, Elijah finally started to tease them. “I don’t think you’re shouting loud enough. I mean, I’m sure that as the god of lightning and storm he has the power to answer your prayers. He just must not be able to hear you.”

“O BAAL HEAR. O BAAL ANSWER.” They prayed, they danced, and Baal did nothing.

“Maybe he’s in a daze, thinking about the solution to this drought we’re having. Surely the god of rain can bring an end to a drought.  But this one has him stumped.  Maybe he’s lost in his own thoughts. Louder guys.”

“O BAAL HEAR. O BAAL ANSWER.”

“Or maybe he’s busy lighting some other sacrifice on fire. Did you remember to take a number?”

“O BAAL HEAR. O BAAL ANSWER.”

“No, I know. He probably had a couple too many cups of coffee this morning and is using the john . . .”

“O BAAL HEAR. O BAAL ANSWER.”

“He’s not sleeping is he?”

“O BAAL HEAR. O BAAL ANSWER. O BAAL HEAR. O BAAL ANSWER.” The prophets continued to shout. And when they saw that wasn’t working they got out swords and spears and cut their own skin until they were bleeding, hoping maybe the sight of their own blood would move their god to act.

From midday until evening they continued this – shouting, dancing, cutting themselves, hoping maybe Baal would answer. But there was no response. No one answered. No one paid attention.

As the sun began to set, Elijah decided it was time to get busy on his own sacrifice.  The first thing he had to do was rebuild the altar that Ahab had torn down.  He asked some men from the crowd watching to bring twelve stones to build an altar.  Then he arranged the wood and the meat on the altar for the sacrifice.  Then he dug a ditch around the altar.  (A ditch?)

Finally, he asked four men to bring four jars.  “Fill these with water,” Elijah instructed.

Hello? Drought?  Water?  Yeah, this is going to work…

But somehow they found four jars of water.  And then Elijah told them to pour the water over the sacrifice. “I don’t want anyone saying I cheated,” he explained.

Can you imagine how reluctantly the men poured out the water, how desperately the stared as it ran down the stones and soaked into the dry soil?

Can you imagine how confused they were when Elijah asked for four more jars of water?

And then for four more?

Twelve jars of water, worth more than gold in the middle of a drought, poured out over a sacrifice that would soon, in theory, be set on fire.

Once all that was done, Elijah began to pray.  After the frenzied, shouted, bleeding prayers of the prophets of Ba’al, Elijah’s prayer is starkly different.

“LORD, the God of Abraham, Isaac and Israel, let it be known today that you are God in Israel and that I am your servant and have done all these things at your command. Answer me, LORD, answer me, so these people will know that you, LORD, are God, and that you are turning their hearts back again (1 Kings 18:36-37, NIV).”

The prophets of Ba’al prayed all day, and nothing happened.  Elijah prayed for about 30 seconds…

And fire fell from heaven.  The wood was lit. The meat consumed. The fire was so hot the rocks turned to lava, and the water in the trench evaporated.

Elijah’s pretty impressive, isn’t he.  When Elijah prays, things happen.  He prays, and for three an a half years not a single drop of rain falls on an entire nation.  He prays, and fire falls from heaven and melts a stone altar.  We did’t get to that part of the story yet, but in a few verses he will pray again and the rain will begin to fall again.

It takes a pretty special man to be able to pray like that.

Only the Bible says that Elijah wasn’t all that special.  In fact, James 5:17 says “Elijah was a man, just like us.”  No special superpowers.  No supernatural connection with God.  He was an everyday, ordinary man.  So what made the difference?  The next words explain, “He prayed earnestly.”

Elijah’s power was the power of prayer.  His supernatural connection to God was the same connection we are invited to share.  If God moved when Elijah prayed earnestly, what would happen if we started praying?

As I said earlier, the sermon this week was mainly just telling the story of Elijah.  The whole point was to ask that single question: “Will you pray?”

But what about teaching students to pray? It’s one thing to tell them to pray, shouldn’t we also teach them how?

That’s where our prayer cards came in.  Praying isn’t complicated.  It’s not some magical spell that is unleashed with proper incantation.  Prayer is a conversation with God.  And we don’t learn to have conversations by listening to lectures.  We learn to have a conversation by talking with people.

And so in closing we passed out our prayer cards.  Fourteen simple conversation starters, easy questions or simple instructions, to give students an idea about what they can talk to God about.  The idea is to teach them to pray by giving them the opportunity to do so.  Each day, during their devotions, they are to take a card and talk to God.   (There are fourteen because next week we will not be having a separate youth service as our church is holding special revival services.)

Worship Set: Joyful, Joyful; Happy Day; How He Loves, The Purest Place

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Teaching Series: Cultivate

Message Title: Faithfulness and Self-Control

Sermon in a Sentence: Running to win the prize requires a certain trust and disciplined self-control.

Text(s): Galatians 5:22-23, 1 Corinthians 9:24-27

Message Summary:

This week marked the end of our Cultivate series. We’re still playing catch up from all the weeks we had to miss due to the snow and ice this winter.  While the other catch up combination weeks had a bit of logic to them — joy and peace; patience, kindness and gentleness — this mash-up of faithfulness and self-control wasn’t quite as natural.  Hopefully I did them justice, though to be honest I feel as though I may have shortchanged faith.  I would have liked to spend more time on the connection between faith and faithfulness.

We began by talking about the Olympics. We broke the ice talking about our favorite parts of the modern Olympics, and began to take a look at the ancient ones.  We noted in particular:

• The games were an important source of entertainment as well as a religious festival for the Greeks and Romans. Records indicate the ancient Olympics were held every for years for over 1100 years, from centuries before the birth of Jesus, until after Christianity became the official religion of the Roman Empire.  The Olympics were well known during the time of Jesus and Paul.
• The origins of the Olympics are shrouded in myth and mystery. Different Greek and Roman historians tell different stories of where the Olympics started.  Some say the games were created by the Idaean dactyls, the first inhabitants of Crete when the oldest pitted his four brothers against each other in a race.  Others say they were founded by Herakles (you know him as Hercules) after he completed his labors.  Either way, their roots are lost in the mythical religion of the Greeks.
• Competitors in the games were carefully trained, and the winners celebrated. While we may not know exactly how the Olympics were started, by the time Jesus and Paul enter the story of history the Olympics had become a big deal.  Contestants trained extensively, and the winners went down in history as heroes.
• They did not compete for wealth or reward, but rather for the honor of victory. Olympic winners were not awarded money, property, or positions of authority.  Instead they competed for the kotinos, the crown of olive branches that was the winner’s only prize.

As Paul writes what we now know as First Corinthians, he was well aware of the Greek and Roman games.  And in chapter 9, Paul draws of the athletic imagery of the games to make his argument about the Christian life:

Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize. Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last, but we do it to get a crown that will last forever. Therefore I do not run like someone running aimlessly; I do not fight like a boxer beating the air. No, I strike a blow to my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the prize. (1 Corinthians 9:24-27, NIV)

This short passage is actually full of vocabulary and imagery drawn from the games:

• Paul speaks of running a race. The word translated “race” here is stadion from which we get our English word “stadium.”  It originally referred to the stadium in which the games were held, and the course which the runners ran.  Over time it also was used as a measurement; distances were determined in terms of the length of the race.
• Paul notes that the runners run to win the prize. The word “prize” (brabeion) actually comes from the word for the umpire (brabeus) at the games who ensured that competition was fair.  The prize is what the umpire would award to the victor at the end of the race.
• Paul speaks of those who “compete in the games.” The word translated “to compete in the games” gives us some indication of how seriously the games were taken.  The word is agonidzomai from which we get our English word “agonize.”  These were not just friendly games played to pass the time.  It was a struggle, pitched competition.  Athletes agonized through the race.
• He notes that in order to agonize through the race, one must train carefully. Here the NIV’s translation strives for dynamic equivalence, but strays from actual equivalence.  The word that gets translated “goes into strict training” is egkrateuomai (pronounced eng-krat-yoo’-om-ahee despite the absence of an “n”) the verb form of the same noun Paul uses in Galatians for the spiritual gift of self-control.  It’s a combination of the prefix en- (in) and the noun kratos (control, mastery).  It means to be in control of oneself, or self-control.  Athletes who hope to complete must learn to be in control of themselves.
• He points out that they run in order to win a crown. Know anyone named Stephen or Stephanie?  Their name comes from the word used in this passage for “crown” (stephanos).  Paul reminds his readers that the prize awarded the winner of the race is not wealth or property, but a crown.  And what is more it is a crown that will soon wilt and wither.  Just a wreath of olive branches, it pales in comparison to the crown of life for which Christians run. If a temporary crown is worth all the training and agony the athletes invest in the hope of being the one lucky individual to receive the prize, how much more is the eternal reward offered each and every one of us who faithfully follow in the way of Jesus?
• To win the crown, one must not run aimlessly. The word translated “aimlessly” (adelos) literally means without (a-) clarity or certainty (delos).  Runners will never complete the race if they are uncertain about the course or unclear about the goal.
• To win the crown, the boxer must first subdue himself. Paul continues to use athletic language here.  He talks about boxers; the Greek word is pukteuo from which we get our word “pugilist” or boxer.  Boxers, Paul notes, don’t enter the ring to compete against mists and shadows, beating the air. In the same way, Paul says he doesn’t swing aimlessly, rather he “beats his own body.”  The word used here (hupopiadzo; from hupos/under and ops/eye) literally means to strike under the eye, or to give a black eye.  Paul says rather that beating the air, he gives himself a black eye, in order to bring himself under control.
• He does all of this so that when the race is finished, he won’t be disqualified. Many of us have watched short track speed skating at the Olympics, holding our breath as the judges discuss, waiting to see if Apollo Anton Ohno will be disqualified or win the prize.  Paul says he does not want to finish the race, only to have the judge look back at his life and disqualify him for straying from the course.  The word disqualify (adokimos) literally means to be tested (dokimos) and to fail the examination.

What do we learn from this first century SportsCenter?

If we wish to complete the race and win the prize, two things are required.

First, we must have a certain goal. Paul points out that he never runs aimlessly.  Literally he does not run in a way that lacks certainty.  However much of life is uncertain.  We might be able to see to the next bend in the course, but at any given point in the race, we have only a vague idea of what the rest of the race might or might not include.  A runner can jog the course before the race starts to get an idea of what the course holds.  We don’t have that luxury with life.

But while we may not be able to have much clarity and certainty about what the course will entail, we can have some certainty about the One who lays out the course before us.  This is where the fruit of faith and faithfulness comes into play.  When Paul lists the fruit of the Spirit in Galatians 5, he uses the word pistis.  The same word translated as faithfulness in Galatians 5:22 is translated as faith in Ephesians 2:8.  So which is it? Faith or faithfulness.  Is it the confident trust we have in God, or our own trustworthiness that enables others to be confident in us?

The answer is both.  Faith is both the content and the character of our belief.  Faith is the confident trust we have in God, knowing that as he marks out the course for us, the future he has planned for us is better than any we’ve ever imagined for ourselves.  We might not be able to see the whole course, but we can be confident that where it leads is better than any destination we can discover by wandering off in our own direction.

And because we have confident trust in God, we live lives of trustworthiness.  We are faithful to follow the course marked out for us, because we have faith in the one who designed the race.

Second, we must exercise self-control. If we are going to compete in the games, we must go into strict training.  If we’re going to have any hope as we agonize through this race, we must bring ourselves under control.  We can no longer allow ourselves to be led astray by our impulses and desires.  Instead we must make our impulses subject to our faith in God who has set our course.

Here we have to be careful, however.  Throughout this series we have emphasized that the Spirit’s fruit are not something we can produce on our own.  They are attributes that God must cultivate in us.  Jesus in the vine.  We are only the branches.  God is the gardener and he does the cultivating.

But with all this talk about strict training and self-control, it’s easy to lose sight of that.  After all, it is called self-control, right?

It may be called self-control, but it’s not something we can produce in ourselves.  And any attempt to do so will ultimately end in failure as Paul well knows.  (Don’t believe me, read through Romans 7 some time.)  How does God cultivate self-control in us?

• He gives us His Spirit. And His Spirit does not make us timid.  Instead it produces in us strength, love and self-discipline (2 Timothy 1:7).  Self-discipline isn’t something we master ourselves, it comes from the Spirit.
• He gives us an exit. God’s Spirit will not remove us from temptation.  But the Spirit will break the power of temptation over us. Every time we are tempted he will provide us a way out (1 Corinthians 10:13).
• He gives us an opportunity. The Spirit will not reject temptation for us. Rarely will God send a power outage when we surf into areas we shouldn’t be visiting.  Seldom will God strike us with a  case of laryngitis just as we start to gossip about that one girl.  God’s grace always provides a way out of temptation, but it also always leaves us responsible for taking that exit.  We must make the most of the exit God provides by fleeing temptation (2 Timothy 2:22).

Element of Fun/Positive Environment: We kicked off our service with an upfront game of Oodles of Doodles, always good for a laugh or two.

Worship Set: Everyday, Our God, Revelation Song, How He Loves

Favorite Moment: Actually my favorite moment of the night didn’t happen in service, it happened at supper afterward with my son, Brenden.  I struggled with this message all week, even while preaching.  But when I asked my son what we’d talked about, he not only knew the details, but understood the message I was trying to get across.  It was exactly the encouragement I needed, and the reminder that communicating the message doesn’t depend only on me.

Listen to the Sermon:
Unfortunately, due to some technical difficulties, I don’t have a recording of this message.  I do, however, now have a 30 minute wav of silence if you really want it…

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Weekend Teaching Series: Cultivate

Message Title: Patience, Kindness, and Gentleness

Sermon in a Sentence: God calls us to bear with those who typically would annoy us, actively offer grace to those who have nothing to offer in return, and to serve those “below” us in our social structure.

Text(s): Galatians 5:22-23, Exodus 34:6-7, 2 Peter 3:9, Luke 6:32-36, Matthew 20:25-28

Message Summary:

This week we continue combining some of the fruit in the hopes of finishing the series on time.  I had already planned on combining kindness and gentleness, since as concepts they are so closely related.  And like any good auctioneer trying to make sure everything has a chance to sell, I threw in patience for good measure.  Just trying to keep up with the weather cancellations.

Of course, I’m not the first to lump these virtues together.  In fact, Paul himself frequently connects them.  In Romans 2:4 he links the concepts of patience and kindness. In Ephesians 4:2 he joins patience with gentleness. And in Colossians 3:12 all three are listed among the things in which the Christian should be clothed.  So I’m in good company.

But while it’s easy to see that these words are closely related, it’s a little tougher to understand what they mean.  What are these virtues that the Spirit cultivates in us?

The first word Paul uses makrothumia and is translated as patience or forebearance.  I freely admit this is fairly nerdy of me, but I love the word makrothumia.  It comes from a proud family of New Testament Greek words.

The grand-daddy of the family, the one from which they all come, is the root word thumeo.  It is a word that originally meant to burn or to become hot.  Over time it was associated with human emotions, in particular those which cause us to get hot under the collar.  It’s frequently translated as wrath or rage, but is also used in connection with passionate desire.

Another related word from this family is epithumeo.  Epi- is a preposition, which depending on context can mean on or over.  Epithumeo means to get on fire over something.  Sometimes it’s used to describe the way we get all heated up about things, and in those contexts it’s typically translated as “to covet.”  Sometimes it’s used to describe the way we get worked up over someone that we desire, and in those instances it’s translated as “to lust.”  Either way it means to catch fire for something or for someone.

Makrothumeo and the related noun makrothumia is similar in meaning, but actually means the exact opposite. The thumeo root still means to catch fire, but makro- means big or long.  Instead of being quick to catch on fire with rage or desire, makrothumia means having a long fuse, a slow temper. “Long-suffering” really is a good translation of the word.

But what’s really interesting to me is the way the connotations of the word changed depending on what religious perspective you held.  In Greek philosophy and religion, makrothumia had something of a tragic cast to it.  It necessarily a bad thing, but it wasn’t something you were happy about.  It was what you did to make the best of a bad situation.

Makrothumia was not a word used to describe to the gods and goddesses of Greek religion.  They had neither need nor use for makrothumia.  They lived a blessed existence in which what they wanted came to pass.  There was nothing they had to suffer, long or short, over.

Humanity, however, was a different story.  Humanity was left to the whims of the gods and the vagaries of fate. Often to be long-suffering was the best humanity could hope for, but always it served as a reminder that our existence was far below the blessedness enjoyed by the inhabitants of Olympus.

And so makrothumia was used to describe the desperate persistence of the victims of a siege.  Defeat was inevitable.  Death was just a matter of time.  But they didn’t give up.  They suffered long in the hopes that at least they could die nobly.

Makrothumia was used to describe the perseverance of  a doctor treating a fatally ill patient.  There was not really any hope of a cure, but the doctor continued to do everything in his power to help the patient even though there was no stopping death’s approach.

Makrothumia was used to describe the sailor lost at sea.  The ship was sunk. Shore was somewhere beyond the horizon. Exhaustion was closing in. But the sailor uses the last measure of his strength to swim a little farther, even though he knows he soon will drown.

The city under siege, the doctor at the end of his ability, the sailor drowning at sea, none of those are exactly situations you’d be eager to volunteer for.  And all of them serve as not-so-subtle reminders that the human condition is far below the blessedness of the gods.

But in Judeo-Christian thought, makrothumia appears in a much better light. Rather than just a resigned acceptance, makrothumia appears in biblical thought as a hopeful patience and a faithful perseverance through suffering.

But what makes the difference?

The difference lies in the fact that, unlike the false gods of the Greeks, the God of all Creation himself has patience. The God of the Bible is not like the tyrants of Olympus who sit back at their leisure and enjoy the display of human suffering and strugglse. Instead the God of the Bible has a plan, and only his patience can bring that plan and purpose to pass. Yahweh is a longsuffering God.

In Exodus 34, God is described as:

The LORD, the compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness, maintaining love to thousands, and forgiving wickedness, rebellion and sin. Yet he does not leave the guilty unpunished. (Exodus 34:6-7, NIV)

God is compassionate, gracious and slow to anger. Makrothumos is the word they chose to translate the Hebrew concept of God’s patience into Greek. He is slow to anger, patient, knowing that his plans for us are only accomplished over time.

And it’s not just the Old Testament.  In the New Testament, Peter writes:

The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. Instead he is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance. (2 Peter 3:9, NIV)

God’s disposition towards humanity is one of makrothumia, not apatheic lethargy or distanced disinterest, but a hopeful patience that extends to us every opportunity to repent.

As a result, the Christian ideal is not one of resigned acceptance or pessimistic fatalism. We are not condemned to an existence far below the blessedness which the gods enjoy knowing we will never be like Him. Rather we have the opportunity to be like the God we serve in the way we relate to our world. Our God is a God of longsuffering patience, and the fruit of his spirit in our lives produces that same makrothumia in us.

How is makrothumia displayed in our lives?

• As we suffer without complaint. Isaiah describes the coming Messiah as being like a lamb, silent before it’s shearers.  Jesus did not fight back, nor complain about the suffering he had to endure. Why? Because he knew that he did not suffer for nothing. His suffering was redemptive.  And through Jesus we have the opportunity to share in his suffering, to unite our pain with his and let it be redemptive in our world.
• As we persevere without despair. All the Greek examples of patience — the city, the doctor, the sailor — all of them persevered. But they did so in despair.  They knew there was no hope. The Christian also perseveres, but does so with hope.  The Christian knows that nothing, not even death, gets to write the final chapter in our story, and our light and momentary troubles are nothing compared to the eternal glory that will be revealed in us.
• As we bear with one another in love. Makrothumia is revealed in our relationships, not in the patience we show to those we like, but rather in the patience we show those who annoy us and get under our skin.

The second virtue Paul address is kindness. The Greek word here is chrestotes.  Unlike makrothumia, chrestotes does not belong to a rich word family.  Nor does it come with lots of helpful word pictures.  It’s pretty straightforward and kindness is a good translation.  Kindness is the grace and help we give to others, especially when they don’t deserve it.

Like makrothumia, the definition of kindness is not first found in the dynamics of human relationships.  The definition of kindness is the way God treats us.  It is his grace, extended when we least deserve it, that fleshes out what kindness really is.

Unlike makrothumia, kindness is an active virtue.  In many ways patience is passive.  You don’t have to actively help someone in order to bear with them.  You just have to bear with them.  Kindness however is active; it means doing kind things for someone else.

Perhaps most important though is that the measure of kindness is not found in how we treat our friends or what we do for our family. Kindness is measured by how we treat those we like the least.  Jesus spoke of this in Luke 6:

“If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even sinners love those who love them. And if you do good to those who are good to you, what credit is that to you? Even sinners do that. And if you lend to those from whom you expect repayment, what credit is that to you? Even sinners lend to sinners, expecting to be repaid in full. But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be children of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked.  Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful. (Luke 6:32-36, NIV)

Jesus points out that God is kind, chrestotes, and if we are going to be his children we must likewise be kind.  Not in the cheap kindness that loves those who love you back, or does good to those who have something to offer in return; you can find that kind of “kindness” all over our world.  But God’s kindness is extended to those who deserve it least and who have nothing to offer in exchange.

The third virtue that Paul speaks of which we dealt with this week was gentleness. The word here is praotes the noun form of the adjective praus. It is translated here as gentle, but it’s the same word Jesus uses in the beatitudes when he blesses the meek. It refers to the consideration and deference we show others.

If patience is measured, not by how we treat those we like, but those who get under our skin, and if kindness is measured, not by how we treat our friends, but how we treat our enemies, gentleness is measured not by the consideration we show to those that are in power and authority over us, but rather those over whom we have power, authority or influence.

In Matthew, Jesus’ disciples are arguing over who will hold positions of power and authority in Christ’s kingdom.  Jesus points out that the rulers of the Gentiles love to lord their power over their subjects.  They demonstrate their power by wielding it any way they can.

And our world isn’t all that different.  We’re accustomed to measuring power by our ability to get someone else to do what we want.  We measure influence by how many people we can convince to see things our way.  Authority is a function of how many people answer to us.

But Jesus tells his disciples, then and now,

Not so with you. Instead, whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first must be your slave.

In the kingdom of Christ, greatness is not measure by how many people you can force to serve you, but how many you can serve.  In a world, where the powerful tend to take the day, Jesus says it is the gentle, those that instead of wielding power, lay it down to become a servant, will inherit the earth in the end.

We closed by challenging students to examine themselves to see just how patient, kind and gentle they really are.  Not so that if they find themselves lacking in any of these areas they can practice longer and try harder so maybe they will do better.  The fruit of the Spirit are not things we can cultivate in ourselves.  However, if we discover we find a need in ourselves to be more fruitful, the solution is to allow the gardener to do some pruning in our lives.

Element of Fun/Positive Environment:

As with all of our services in this series we kicked off with a Vegetables of the Spirit video.  This week a random act of kindness causes our veggies patience to rub a little thin.

Worship Set: Blessed be Your Name, No One Like You, Forever, Famous One

Favorite Moment: It was a special treat to have Paul Ward drop by and spend the evening with us.

Listen to the Sermon:

Subscribe to the Water’s Edge podcast on iTunes or via RSS.

Weather is wreaking havoc on our Cultivate series.  We’ve had to cancel three of our last four services. Normally that wouldn’t be a problem, but our next series starts on Ash Wednesday. That means we have to double up on some of the fruit if we’re going to finish on time.  Therefore this week I bring you joy AND peace.

Weekend Teaching Series: Cultivate

Message Title: Joy and Peace

Sermon in a Sentence: In a world of suffering and injustice, God calls us to make peace and find joy in the grace He gives.

Text(s): Isaiah 65:17-25; Matthew 5:9, Romans 14:17, Galatians 5:22-23

Message Summary:

One of the challenges in preaching this message is the pre-conceptions people have about what joy and peace are. When we think of peace we think of the absence of conflict.  A peacemaker is someone who smooths over the hard feelings in our world and finds a way to keep everyone happy.

And joy is even more difficult because we have to deal with two sets of preconceptions.  On one hand, when we think of joy, we think of happy people.  A joyful person is that annoyingly bubbly person, always bouncing around, naively giddy, filled with the kind of saccharine sentimentality that sets our teeth on edge…

…Or maybe not.  Because you also have the sermons that explain there is a difference between joy and happiness.  Happiness, we’re told, depends on circumstances.  Happiness is affected by what happens to us.  Joy on the other hand is centered in God and manifests itself as an internal confidence that God is in control.  It’s possible, we’re told, to be in unhappy circumstances and still be joyful.

So we approach the subject of peace and joy with these preconceptions.  The question is are any of these concepts what Paul is talking about when he says the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy and peace?

The word Paul uses for joy belongs to a broad family of words in New Testament Greek.  The word for joy is chara.  It’s the noun form of the verb chairo.  Interestingly, it’s closely related to the words for grace charis and gift charisma.  And all of them are related to the word for to thank eucharisteo from which we get our theological term Eucharist, or the Lord’s Supper.

The word family helps us understand what exactly joy is.  Joy means to rejoice, to celebrate, to throw a party.  The biblical picture of joy is the feast, those God ordained events in Israel when all work ceased, when all able bodied males showed up in Jerusalem, and the nation celebrated together.  Joy is the feeling you get when you throw a party! And joy is also the result of grace.  It is inspired by gifts.  When you receive a gift, that sense of gratitude and celebration you feel is joy.

So what about peace?  The word Paul uses for peace is eirene.  Interesting isn’t it?  We’re talking about joy and peace, Kara and Irene.  It’s all about the ladies.  And, at least in the minds of the Greeks, peace is a lady.  That’s a picture of her there on the right.  Like so many abstract concepts, the Greeks personified peace in their mythology, portraying her as Eirene – one of the three Horae or Seasons.  Peace’s sisters are Eunomia (literally, good laws) and Dikē (or righteousness/justice).   And when you stop and think about it, that makes sense for those three right government, justice and peace are often found together.  But rarely do you have one without the other two.

In this image, Eirene is shown holding Ploutos.  No, not Pluto the god of the underworld.  Nor is it Pluto the dog of Mickey.  It’s not even Pluto, formerly known as a planet.  Ploutos literally means plenty, and baby Ploutos is the god of wealth and abundance.  When Eirene’s not holding baby Ploutos, she’s often depicted holding a cornucopia, from the Latin cornus or horn, and copiae or plenty.  When she’s not holding the baby of plenty, she’s shown holding a horn of plenty.  It’s the artists way of depicting the reality that where there is peace, plenty flourishes.

I find all this interesting because the Judeo-Christian idea of peace is very similar.  Granted, we don’t turn peace into an idol and bring the personification of peace offerings in the hopes she will grant us wealth.  But the Bible does recognize the connection between peace and plenty.  Peace, biblically speaking, is more than just the absence of conflict.  Peace — eirene in Greek, shalom in Hebrew — is an abundance of righteousness and justice, and it becomes the environment in which plenty flourishes.

Or here’s another artists rendition of peace; this time it’s Edward Hick’s Peaceable Kingdom.  Hicks was an American Quaker, a member of the Society of Friends during the late 1700′s to the early 1800′s.  And this isn’t the only painting he made like this.  In the background you see the event his is commemorating; in this particular version of the painting it is the treaty between William Penn and the Native Americans.  In the foreground you have a collection of images designed to communicate his belief that what was happening in the American colonies was a fulfillment of the biblical promises of peace.

His imagery comes from Isaiah 65, in particular verse 25:

The wolf and the lamb will feed together,
and the lion will eat straw like the ox,
and dust will be the serpent’s food.
They will neither harm nor destroy
on all my holy mountain,”
says the LORD (NIV).

Lion and ox, wolf and lamb, all of them are depicted in this picture of peace from Isaiah.

But look at all peace entails in Isaiah 65:

• Harmony: Yes, obviously harmony is involved.  All these animals that were once enemies are depicted peaceably comingling in verse 25. But there’s more than that.
• Health: In verse 20, Isaiah speaks about people living long, full lives.  You might show up to a funeral for someone who died in their 100′s, Isaiah says, and everyone will wonder why they had to die so young.
• Security: In verse 21, Isaiah says something that sounds unusual to us: “They will build houses and dwell in them;” but he’s talking about a world where people build their houses only to be forced from their homes and taken into exile.  But Isaiah says that won’t happen in the peaceable kingdom.
• Plenty: In that same verse, Isaiah says “they will plant vineyards and eat their fruit.”  There’s a harvest in the peaceable kingdom and it isn’t stolen.
• Fulfillment: Verse 23 says, “They will not labor in vain.”  There’s no more spending your lives working for something only to wonder if it was all wasted effort.  No laboring in vain here.

Biblically speaking, peace isn’t just the absence of conflict, it’s all of this together: harmony, healthy, security, plenty and fulfillment.  And given that picture of peace, is it any wonder that peace and joy are so often linked in Scripture?

Listen to how Paul opens every one of his letters.  Take Romans, for example.  He starts by identifying himself. “Paul, a servant of Christ Jesus, called to be an apostle and set apart for the gospel of God…”

Then he identifies to whom he is writing.  “To all in Rome who are loved by God and called to be his holy people.”

Then comes his greeting: “Grace and peace to you from God our Father and from the Lord Jesus Christ.”

See it there?  Joy and peace connected.  Now granted, Paul says “Grace and peace” but remember the word family?  Grace and joy are siblings.  Joy is our natural response to grace.  Chara is the sister of charis.  And Paul greets them the Romans with the words charis and eirene. And it’s not just the letter to the Romans.  Every letter Paul writes opens with charis and eirene. Except Timothy.  Apparently Timothy was special. He doesn’t just get grace and peace.  He gets grace, mercy and peace.

Now maybe you don’t realize that the standard Greek greeting was charein another member of that same joy/grace/thanks word family.  The Greeks didn’t say “Hello” they said “Charein.”   And the Hebrew greeting was (and is) shalom, or peace.  In opening his letters with grace and peace, Paul is bridging the gap between these two worlds, Greeks and Jews.  But I think it’s more than that.  Paul recognizes that grace/joy and peace are absolutely central to life in God’s kingdom.

Want proof?  Check out Romans 14:17:

For the kingdom of God is not a matter of eating and drinking, but of righteousness, peace and joy in the Holy Spirit.

The Kingdom of God is all about righteousness, peace and joy, and it’s all brought about by God’s Holy Spirit.

But what do you do when there isn’t peace in our world?  Because let’s face it, even when there is an absence of conflict, rarely is there the harmony, health, security, abundance and fulfillment that together is what the Bible means by peace.  So what do we do?

According to Jesus, when peace is absent, we are called to make peace.  Remember the beatitudes?  Who is blessed? Who has cause for celebration? Matthew 5:9 It’s those who make peace that bear the family resemblance of the God they serve.  But how do we make peace?

Typically, in the absence of peace, we have two ways we can go.  On the one hand, in the absence of peace, you can fight back until whoever is the oppressor stops.  Someone pushes you, you push back.  If you don’t meet force with force, the violence will never end, so declare war and hold the course until your enemy begs for peace.

The other option is the opposite. Instead of fighting back, you seek to appease.  Smooth things over.  Don’t disrupt what little tranquility there may be. Sweep the injustice under the rug, pretend like it’s all OK, because it’s more important that we get along, than that we do what’s right.

We have a choice between two ways: push back, or pretend it’s OK.  Retaliate or rationalize.  Fight. Or flight.  The bad news is that neither of these two ways works well.  The good news is that Jesus offers what Walter Wink has called a third way…

A Christ-following peacemaker doesn’t fight.  She doesn’t respond to injustice by reflecting the injustice back on the perpetrator.  And the peacemaker doesn’t flee.  She doesn’t pretend that nothing is wrong.  She takes the third way.  She brings attention to injustice without participating in it.

Wink points out that our cultural distance from first century Palestine has led to serious misunderstandings about the third way.  Turning the other cheek isn’t about taking abuse and pretending it didn’t happen.  It’s bringing attention to the injustice of the backhanded slap without participating in the violence.  Giving the plaintiff your tunic as well as your cloak is not just an admonition to non-litigation, it is being (literally) nakedly honest about the injustice of the matter and ensuring everyone sees the wrong that has been done.  Walking two miles when forced to walk one isn’t just about going above and beyond, it’s requiring the oppressor to treat the oppressed as a human and not like a slave.

If you’re not familiar with what Wink has to say about the third way, here’s a link to a short sermon he gave on the subject.

Long story short, the peacemaker does not participate in injustice or pretend that it isn’t happening.  Instead the way of Jesus is creative non-violence that brings attention to injustice and provides the perpetrator that opportunity to recognize the wrong and to repent.

So where’s the joy in this kind of life?  Because quite honesty, this way of living doesn’t sound like a celebration.  It sounds hard.  It sounds lonely.  It sounds like it will often be unpleasant.

The joy doesn’t come from dishonestly pretending nothing is wrong.  Nor does it come from an naively pretending that everything has to eventually get better.  It’s not about closing your eyes to the present reality, or focusing on the future until the present fades from view.  Instead the joy comes from remembering the connection between chara and charis.  As you are making peace, there is always room to remember grace, to recognize the good and perfect gifts that God has given.  Joy comes from honestly admitting what is wrong, and really recognizing what is right and good.  Because in every situation, even those that require us to make peace, there is grace we can celebrate.

Element of Fun/Positive Environment:

There were two fun features of our service tonight.  The first was our second installment of the Vegetables of the Spirit videos.  In this episode we meet two veggies who depict the two ways I talk about in the peacemaking part of the sermon.  On one hand there is Bob, for whom everything goes wrong.  Yet he’s so full of joy he doesn’t even notice.  And on the other hand there’s Pete, who has so much to be thankful for, but is too busy being upset about the little things to be grateful for the big things.

We also broke away from the ordinary by giving students a gift as they came into the service.  It was a cross between a Valentine’s day treat and a post-Super Bowl celebration.  We gave everyone a theater sized candy as they came into the service. And the joy of the surprise gift became an illustration of the connection between chara and charis later in the sermon.

Worship Set: Trading My Sorrows, Happy Day, Forever, Mighty to Save

Favorite Moment:

It’s probably one of those you-had-to-be-there moments, but our worship leader had history’s most epic kick in Water’s Edge indoor kickball.  Our indoor kickball rules include the rule that there is no such thing as a foul, so players can send the ball in any direction they choose.  Bryant managed to get the ball to roll through an open doorway into a dark class room, scoring the first earned home run ever in indoor kickball.

Other rules that make Water’s Edge kickball unique:

• The ball is live until it hits the floor (so fly balls can be caught off the ceiling and walls, though they rarely are)
• Any kick that goes onto the stage area is an automatic out
• Perhaps the most fun of all, runners don’t have to stop at home.  As long as they aren’t on third when the ball is pitched, they can run from home to first (as long as first base is open) for a second lap around the bases.  Of course, they don’t tally runs until they stop at home.  If they get out or the side is retired before they make it back home, they lose the run they’ve already completed.

Listen to the Sermon:


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In the fifth and final sermon from our True Love Waits series, the goal is to help students understand the pledge we are asking them to consider making.  We look one more time at what the Bible has to say about living lives of sexual purity, and then we break down the True Love Waits pledge to see that it really is a reflection of Biblical values.  The service ends with an invitation to prayerfully make a True Love Waits commitment and to communicate that they made that pledge by turning in a commitment card.

As usual, after the jump you will find a summary of the lesson as well as a fill-in-the-blank outline master and sermon audio. Also include is a sample of our True Love Waits commitment cards and the parent’s letters that we send to the parents of students who make first time commitments, as well as those renewing their commitments, inviting them to take part in the True Love Waits ring ceremony.

This lesson in the series fits my typical preaching style a little better than many of the rest.  So many of the TLW sermons are topical, which is OK, even necessary, but I much prefer to live in a single passage of Scripture for a while and let it speak to us.  This sermon does just that.  The passage of Scripture we consider at length? 1 Thessalonians 4:3-8:

³God wants you to be holy and to stay away from sexual sins. ⁴He wants each of you to learn to control your own body in a way that is holy and honorable. ⁵Don’t use your body for sexual sin like the people who do not know God. ⁶Also, do not wrong or cheat another Christian in this way. The Lord will punish people who do those things as we have already told you and warned you. ⁷God called us to be holy and does not want us to live in sin. ⁸So the person who refuses to obey this teaching is disobeying God, not simply a human teaching. And God is the One who gives us his Holy Spirit. (New Century Version, emphasis added)

Because of a translation issue we’ll get into later, I also print the first two verses from the Living Bible as well:

For God wants you to be holy and pure, and to keep clear of all sexual sin so that each of you will marry in holiness and honor. (1 Thessalonians 4:3-4, TLB)

First I have students mark the words “to be holy” in verses 3 and 7.  This text from Paul teaches the same thing we’ve been saying in this series from the very beginning: the primary issue is chastity, not virginity.  If we settle the issue of chastity/purity/holiness, the issue of remaining a virgin will take care of itself. Yet even if we remain a virgin until marriage, but fail to live lives of holiness, we will fall short of God’s best for our lives.  If fact, this is so important Paul says it twice.

But notice that in verse 7-8 Paul goes on to point out two important things about living lives of holiness. First, holiness is impossible if we continue to live in sin.  There has to be a break with our old way of life, and a new way of living must become the norm.  Second, this isn’t possible without the help of God’s Holy Spirit.  We can’t do this on our own. Fortunately God gives us His Holy Spirit to help us do what we alone cannot.

The second thing I have students highlight in their text is the phrase “stay away from sexual sins” in verse 3.  Just because the primary issue is chastity doesn’t mean that virginity isn’t an issue too.  Holiness will lead us to live a life free from sexual sins.  And notice, Paul doesn’t just say to stay away from sex; he says to stay away from all sexual sins — obscenity, pornography, lust — all sexual sins.

Now for the translation issue.  The third thing I have students mark in their text is the phrase “control your own body” in verse 4 of the NCV passage.  Then we drop down to the Living Bible and mark the phrase “marry in holiness and honor.”  Two pretty different ways to translate the same verse.  The divergence in translations comes from the fact that Paul here uses a cliche and those always prove difficult to translate.  The more literal translations don’t even try.  The NASB, for example translates verse four “that each of you know how to possess his own vessel in sanctification and honor.”

Amphora: ancient two handled vase for carrying liquids

The phrase the NCV translates “learn self control” and that the Living Bible translates “marry” literally means “to aquire one’s vessel.”  Paul says God wants us to get hold of our amphoras, but what does that mean?

Some have pointed out that Paul uses this same word for vessel in the famous “jars of clay” passage in 2 Corinthians 4:7 as a metaphor for our human bodies.  Perhaps Paul is using the metaphor in the same way here, saying in his own unique way that God wants us to get hold of ourselves, hence the translation “learn self-control.”

Others point out that the word translated “aquire” really does mean to aquire, not so much to posess or control.  And once we’re born it’s hard to imagine someone learning to acquire their body; you’re pretty stuck with the one you’re born with.  However, when one considers that the word vessel was used by rabbinical writers as a metaphor for one’s wife. And 1 Peter 3:7 speaks of a wife as a vessel.  So could Paul really mean that God wants us to get married in holiness in honor?

I wonder if perhaps Paul doesn’t intentionally use this ambiguous metaphor for what it communicates.  It’s obvious that God wants us to get married in holiness and honor. But it’s equally true that in order to one day marry in honor, we must learn how to control ourselves now.

And this is why holiness is so important.  You can’t control yourself if you let your appetites rule your life.  We discover this in verse 5, and note it by marking the phrase “Don’t use your body for sexual sin.“  Here Paul literally commands us to avoid lustful passions, getting so caught up in our desires that we let what we want order what we do.

Finally we mark the phrase “do not wrong or cheat another Christian” in verse 6.  The last thing Paul teaches in this passage is that sexual sin is not just a sin against God and against our future, sexual sins are sins against other people as well.  When we sin sexually before we marry, we sin against our future spouse by cheating them out of our purity.  We also sin against their future spouse by violating the purity of their marriage.  And finally we sin against our future children by weakening the relationship we have with our future spouse. (Remember the duct tape?)

So, keeping in mind all the things that Paul says about living lives of sexual purity, let’s take a closer look at the True Love Waits pledge and what it requires of us.  The True Love Waits Pledge says:

Believing that true love waits, I make a commitment to God, myself, my family, my friends, my future mate, and my future children to a lifetime of purity including sexual abstinence from this day until the day I enter a biblical marriage relationship.

I want students to notice a few things about this.  First, this is a commitment based on true love. It’s not a commitment based on fear.  We’ve tried to be honest about the consequences of violating God’s plan. But we’re not trying to scare them out of sex.  That doesn’t work with students; teenagers have a profound sense of “it won’t happen to me.” Nor is this decision based on shame.  Throughout we’ve worked hard to portray sex as positive, one of the good and perfect things that come from our Father above.

But do you remember everything we said about our incredible birthright of true love? We’re asking students to value their birthright so highly that they refuse to profane it.  The TLW pledge is grounded in our belief in the value of True Love.

Second, notice to whom this commitment is made.  This isn’t just a commitment to ourselves. It is a commitment to the God who wants the very best for us. It is a commitment to our family and friends, to be an example of what it means to live a life of purity. In keeping with what Paul says about not cheating others by sinning sexually, this is a commitment to our future spouse and future children.  In short, the TLW pledge is a commitment based on love made to the people in our life whom we love the most.

Third, notice that the True Love Waits pledge has two parts, there is a forever commitment, and a for-now commitment.

The forever commitment of the TLW pledge is a commitment to a life of purity. We’re not just promising to remain pure until we get married. We’re promising that even in the context of marriage we will still live lives of faithfulness and purity.  Recently I had the privilege to attend the wedding of one of the very first teens to move through this True Love Waits series with me.  Years ago she made a True Love Waits pledge.  And just this last summer, as she was getting married, she gave her purity ring to her new husband as a symbol of the way she saved herself for him.  But that wasn’t all.  They actually made a True Love Waits pledge to each other, pledging that they would continue to honor each other by living lives of purity.

The for-now commitment is a pledge to sexual abstinence “from this day until the day I enter a biblical marriage relationship.” Chastity for life, virginity until I get married.

Notice the pledge to abstinence has a start date: “from this day.”  Sadly, you will probably have teens who have already failed in the area of sexual temptations.  And having failed once, there is a very real tendency to give in to future temptations because their virginity has been lost.  But the True Love Waits pledge is a commitment anyone can make.  Because it doesn’t make promises about things you can’t change like the past.  It only pledges what you will do from this day forward.

And notice the pledge to abstinence has an ending date” “until the day I enter a biblical marriage relationship.” That’s good news too.  You’re not pledging to skip sex forever.  Like Esau, the choice isn’t to trade away your birthright or never ever get a bowl of stew.  You’re only promising to wait until the right time so sex can be the incredible gift God meant for it to be.  But I also emphasize again, the deadline isn’t “until I’m older” or “until I’m really in love.” It’s “until I’m married.”

Then, having looked at the pledge and all it means, we pass out commitment cards.  We ask students to prayerfully consider making a True Love Waits commitment, and to let us know if they do so we can invite them to be a part of the ring ceremony.  We do everything in our power to avoid making this a peer pressure thing.  We want real, genuine commitments, not just teens going through the motions.  There’s no come down front and turn in your card, it’s drop it off in the back sometime between now and when you leave.  We even tell students that if they don’t want to make the commitment, they can fill out the card while their friends are watching and then just not turn it in.  It might sound like we’re promoting hypocrisy, but in fact we’re attempting to do just the opposite.  We want every student’s card to reflect a real, personal commitment.

Since we do this series on a cycle, we always have students who made a commitment in the past present.  But that’s OK.  We acknowledge that there is a world of difference between committing to purity when you’re an awkward sixth grader and renewing that commitment as a High School junior who’s been going out with the same girl for eight months.  There is a place on the card to indicate that this is a re-commitment, and there is a place in our True Love Waits ceremony for students who are reaffirming their commitment to come forward and stand as witnesses encouraging those who are making first time pledges.

The commitment cards are divided into two parts. One side has name and address info and they turn this part in so we can contact parents about the ring ceremony.  The other side has the pledge along with a place for their signature and date.  They take this side home as a reminder of their commitment.  See the additional resources section at the end of this post for examples of our commitment cards.

The True Love Waits Ring Ceremony

Our True Love Waits ring ceremony is simple, yet meaningful.  It is designed to be a part of the prayer time in our congregation’s morning worship service and is led by our Senior Pastor.

When a student turns in a commitment card we send their parents one of two letters.  The first is to the parents of those making a first time commitment, and the second is sent to those reaffirming past pledges.  Both letters thank them for letting us play a part in the spiritual upbringing of their children and provide information about the time and place for our ring ceremony.  We explain the pledge and indicate their child’s commitment. Inviting parents to take part in the ceremony, we provide some suggestions as to what they can get their children as a token of their pledge.  Finally, it includes contact information so they can ask any questions they may have. Check out the additional resources section at the end of the post for samples of our parents’ letters.

And here is the ceremony itself.  As I said, our Senior Pastor leads the ceremony, and he typically asks me to pray for students and their families at the close of the ceremony.

First we ask those students who have made a True Love Waits pledge in the past and who are still living out those promises to come forward. This is an opportunity for you to reaffirm that commitment, and to stand here as an encouragement and as witness to those students who are making a first time commitment this morning.

(Have students come forward.)

Next we want to invite all those students who this morning are making a first time True Love Waits commitment to come forward, along with their parents or the caring adults who are here to stand with them this morning.

(Have first time students come forward.)

Students, you’ve already made your pledge, but we want to affirm your commitment publicly this morning. So please, repeat the True Love Waits pledge after me:

Believing that true love waits,
I make a commitment
to God, to myself,
to my family and my friends
to my future mate and my future children,
to a lifetime of purity
including sexual abstinence
from this day
until I enter a Biblical marriage relationship.

Parents and adults, by your presence here this morning you are pledging to stand by these students in the commitment they are making this morning. You are pledging that by your words and by your actions you will be an example and an encouragement to these students. If you will do this, please say “We will.”

And Church, you are here not only to witness these pledges today but to pledge your support to these students as well. Will you also be examples of what it means to live lives of purity and faithfulness for these students? If so, say “We will.”

(Have students and families gather around the altar for prayer)

Additional Resources:

• Here are copies of our True Love Waits Commitment Cards either as a pdf or as a jpg file (sized to fit three to a standard letter sized page, with 0″ margins).
• Here are copies of our True Love Waits Parents’ Letters both for first-time pledges and for recommitments.
• Here is a copy of our fill-in-the-blank outline master.
• Listen to a recording of this lesson being taught as part of our 2010 TLW series here.
• And while you’re at it, if you’d like, you can also subscribe to our podcast either on iTunes or via RSS.

Click here to see the rest of our True Love Waits posts all in one place.

Careful boys, we don't want that going off in here!

In our fourth sermon of our True Love Waits series, we mix things up a bit with a surprise pop quiz. Given the format, we don’t have outlines to pass out, so no PDF files to download, but there are plenty of memorable visual aids involved, so your students won’t need notes to remember what you talked about.

As you prepare for this lesson, make sure you have a roll of duct tape, a short sleeve shirt, a sex bomb and a good healthy length of waterproof cannon fuse…

After the jump we’ll let you know what to do with it all.  And as usual, there is sermon audio of this lesson from our 2010 True Love Waits series at the end as well.

We normally start off by letting students know that they’re going to have a pop quiz.  Hopefully they studied up, because if they don’t get at least four out of five correct, they won’t pass the series and will have to do it all over again.  Actually, I made that part up.  There are no grades, and that’s a good thing, as we haven’t reviewed the material that’s on the quiz yet anyway.

The good news is that the quiz is a true false quiz; that makes everything a little easier.  And there are no pens and paper for this quiz.  I just ask students to stand if they thing a statement is true, and remain seated if they don’t.  That makes it more of a group project anyway.  See, it gets easier as we go along.  Here’s the quiz, and the answers which we explain as we go along:

1) God doesn’t want you to have sex.

Obviously, this one’s true.  Or not. Had you going there for a second, didn’t I?  It’s false. In our Problem of Profanity lesson we discussed the fact that true love is our birthright.  We were created that way.  In Genesis, God creates man for woman and woman for man so they might find the perfect partner in each other.  And from the beginning sex was a part of that relationship.

But there is a grain of truth in that statement as well.  It’s not that God doesn’t want students to have sex. It’s that he doesn’t want them having sex right now.  God knows that for sex to be what he created it to be, it must be experienced in the context of a marriage relationship.

2) The primary reason God created sex is for reproduction.

This one is a little tougher.  The good news is no one gets it wrong, because the fact is the Bible isn’t really clear.  Obviously reproduction is one of the reasons God created sex. In Genesis 1:27-28, when God creates humanity, man and woman together, he commands them to be fruitful and multiply. Or as Eugene Peterson puts it in the Message, he commands “Prosper! Reproduce!“

But the question didn’t say that reproduction was a reason, or even the only reason.  It said the primary reason. And reproduction isn’t the only reason God created sex. In Genesis 2:23-24 the Bible explains that when a man and woman come together to become husband and wife something special, something miraculous happens.  The two become one flesh.  Sex is part of the way that God creates that unity.

Finally, in the passage from Proverbs 5:18-19 that we examined last time, we learned that God wants us to find satisfaction and pleasure in the love that we share with our spouse. It’s not just about reproduction and union, God wants us to find captivation in sex with our spouse as well. 

Reproduction, union, captivation three biblical reasons God created sex. Which one is primary? Your guess is as good as mine.

3) God designed sex for people in mature, loving relationships, not just for casual encounters.

This is an important one, and one students often get wrong, in part because there is a grain of truth to it, and in part because it’s a distortion of the truth that gets repeated so often we come to believe it.  But when you really look at it, this statement is false.

It is true that God did not create sex for casual encounters.  Pretty much everyone agrees with that part of the statement.  It’s the notion that the measurement for readiness is a combination of mature and loving.  Scripture doesn’t say anything about mature and loving.  Scripture says married.  Regardless of the fact the world tells teenagers they are too young for sex, the truth is they aren’t too young for sex; they are too single for sex.

And this is one area where True Love Waits tends to fail.  As reported in some research I blogged about two years ago, it appears that there is very little difference, statistically speaking, between those who make a True Love Waits type purity pledge and those who don’t when it comes to waiting until marriage to have sex.  TLW participants tend to wait longer to start having sex than those who don’t participate, but it doesn’t appear to help them wait until marriage.  Somehow when we tell students to wait until they are married to have sex, they hear us say to wait until they are older.  We must correct this! They need to hear us say they are not too young for sex, they are too single.

4) If you have sex, you have to worry about pregnancy and sexually transmitted infections.

Here you get a chance to see which of your students are good at recognizing patterns.  Not all of them will, but some may.  Question one was false. Question two was probably false.  Question three was false. If students have picked up on the pattern, they may be anticipating a trick question and recognize that this one is false too.

Of course if they do, they’re wrong.  This one is definitely true.  Pregnancy is a real risk.  According to the Alan Guttmacher institute a teenage girl who is sexually active has a 90% chance of getting pregnant in the first year.  And according to Walt Muller’s Handbook for Counseling Youth the majority of teen pregnancies occur within the first three months of sexual activity.

And sexually transmitted infections are also real risks. According to the CDC, every 20 seconds an American teen gets an STD. That’s right, this year alone, about 2.5 million of your peers will get an STI. (Also reported in McDowell’s Handbook for Counseling Youth.) And according to an Alan Guttmacher Institute report no longer available online, after 1 act of unprotected sex a teenage woman has a 1% chance of getting HIV, a 30% chance of getting genital herpes and a 50% chance of getting gonorrhea.

Obviously, if a teenager has sex, they need to worry about pregnancy and sexually transmitted infections.  But that’s not all they need to be concerned about, because even if a teen avoids the dangers of pregnancy and STI’s, sex changes things.

First, sex changes our relationships. We already noted the Bible that sex was created by God to create unity between a husband and his wife.  Every act of sex creates a bond between the participants.  It always happens. It’s part of God’s design.  Kind of like a piece of duct tape on the arm, it creates a bond.  (And here you can feel free to demonstrate.  Don’t worry, it doesn’t actually hurt too badly to rip of a piece of duct tape, and it definitely gets the students attention. And you’ll be leaving it for a little while anyway, so no worries.)  Because of this physical bond, our relationship is now different.

But the physical bond of sex isn’t the only kind of intimacy that bonds people together.  There are also the bonds of emotional intimacy and relational compatibility.  Part of dating is discovering if there is that kind of compatibility with our boyfriend and girlfriend and building a foundation of friendship and eventually emotional intimacy.  If a relationship proceeds to marriage, there is a foundation of relational intimacy, to which the bond of physical intimacy is added.

However, when we take a shortcut to physical intimacy in our relationship, time that should have been spend exploring our compatibility and building the deeper, stronger relational intimacy is no spent pursuing physical intimacy.  In so doing we undermine our relationships foundation and leave it weaker in the long run.

Secondly, sex changes the end of our relationships. Remember the duct tape?  Trust me, the students do.  Ask them if they know what happens when a bond is broken as you rip the tape from your arm, because the truth is, when a bond is broken, it hurts.  Now almost every break up is painful because we are breaking the bonds of emotional and relational intimacy, but when we add the bond of physical intimacy, the pain is only multiplied.  As a result, relationships that include sex (or any level of physical intimacy) is involved tend to last longer than those that don’t.

Now that might sound good, because people don’t like to break up.  But what about those relationships that are supposed to break up? That’s why the wise don’t add the bond of sex until the foundation of emotional intimacy has been laid and the commitment of marriage is in place. When you add sex to a relationship that’s built on a faulty foundation, the destructive relationship is only drawn out.  Trust me.  In 15 years of youth ministry I’ve seen plenty of relationships that were unstable, dysfunctional, and sometimes even abusive persist simply because the participants can’t bring themselves to go through the pain of breaking the bond of physical intimacy.

Third, sex changes our future relationships. Here’s where the sex-bomb and cannon fuse come into play.  Of course, make sure you conduct this illustration safely, not only aware of but actively minimizing the risk of fire while prepared for its unlikely possibility.  And I should probably be clear, it’s not really a sex bomb.  It’s just a wooden barrel with the word sex spray painted on the side. And make sure you have a pair of scissors on hand, as well as a fireproof container in which the cut off pieces of fuse can fall.  Test it outside first, and notice how cannon fuse, when lit, can fly around on it’s own because of the burning gunpowder.  Need waterproof fuse, just search for it on Amazon. I like Visco fuse, and make sure you get waterproof fuse, it burns more slowly.

In fact, I’m not sure bomb is a helpful illustration. Bombs are destructive.  There is almost no good time for a bomb to go off, and even when it is planned, demolition is the outcome.  Maybe we should call it a sex-barrel-of-fireworks. Because fireworks are good, beautiful and exciting when lit in the right context.  But if a barrel of fireworks goes off too early, things can get messy.

In our illustration, the goal is to save the sexplosion for marriage.  And fortunately for us, there is plenty of fuse to delay the fireworks for the marriage night, if we use it wisely.  And what’s more, the fuse is pretty exciting on it’s own while we’re waiting.  There’s sparks and flame and everything.

When we begin pursuing intimacy in our relationships, it’s like we light the fuse and enjoy the excitement.  And it is exciting.  We ask someone if they will be our boyfriend or girlfriend, and the fuse is lit.  (Go ahead and light it.  You know you want to.)  There are sparks, things are exciting, and we are happy.  They say yes.  They write us notes.  Maybe we even exchange gifts.  We post about them on our Facebook status.  Things are good, until we discover that this relationship isn’t meant to be.  Who knows, maybe we find out they are Patriot fans.  Whatever it is, it has to end and we cut it off.  (Cut off the fuse ahead of the flame and let it burn out in your fireproof container.)

Now, as mom always said, there are more fish in the sea.  And eventually we land another one.  We ask them to be our girlfriend or boyfriend.  We write them notes.  We post about them on facebook.  Only those things aren’t quite as exciting as they used to be.  We already burnt that fuse.  Then one day we ask them out on a double date with some friends.  This is new, and suddenly there is fire.  (Light the fuse).  The relationship continues on, exciting and new, until they insult your mom’s cooking and the relationship has to end. (Cut the fuse.)

In the next relationship, your fuse is a bit shorter.  Eventually though you get to something new.  You hold their hand for the first time.  That is exciting! New flame, new sparks, and as long as we continue in that relationship, there is excitement.  You give them a hug.  You put your arm around them at the restaurant.  Maybe even you get your first kiss.  Nothing wrong.  You’re still a long way from the sexplosion.  Everything’s good.

But when you cut off that relationship and start your next, you have to go a little farther before you get back to that old spark.  What’s more, you’re in a bigger hurry to get back to the level of intimacy you enjoyed before.  It doesn’t take you as long to progress through those preliminary stages.  You go farther, faster in each successive relationship.  And suddenly you have to begin to wonder will you run out of fuse before you get to your wedding day.  And if you do, what will you do to get those old sparks again?

That’s why not having sex isn’t the only important thing about physical intimacy in your relationships with others. Every step of the way shortens your fuse. And the longer you keep your fuse the more excitement there will be when you finally find the right person and move toward marriage with him or her. And the longer you keep your fuse, the less of a hurry to get on to the step of actually having sex you’ll find yourself in.  Want to wait till marriage? Take it slow early on.

Fourth, sex changes our eventual marriage. Remember the duct tape? Stick it to your arm and pull it off a few more times, until the tape really begins to lose it’s sticky.  That’s a great example of how making and breaking the physical bond of sexual intimacy weakens it’s ability to bond two people together.  You get used to the pain and it becomes easier to break that bond, weakening that bond that was meant for marriage.

Finally, sex changes our relationship with God. No matter how we try to rationalize it, the Bible is clear, sex outside of marriage is wrong.  And deep down we know it.  Suddenly there is a gulf of guilt separating us from the God who loves us.

So it’s not just pregnancy and STI’s we have to worry about.  Even if we avoid them, sex changes things.

5) Condoms have a failure rate of 15% when used to prevent pregnancy. But the HIV virus is 500 times smaller than a sperm, so condoms are even less effective in preventing AIDS.

Bet you forgot about the quiz didn’t you. But we have one more question.  And break it down for them.  It is true, condoms when used as contraceptives, have about a 15% failure rate. And it is also true that the HIV virus is up to 500 times smaller than a human sperm cell. (The human sperm cell is about 5000 nanometers in diameter. The HIV virus is 120 nanometers.)  So, knowing that a condom fails 15% of the time in keeping in something as large as a sperm cell, would it be more effective or less effective in keeping in the much smaller virus?

Surprisingly the answer is false.  According the the Guttmacher institute, when used consistently and correctly, condoms prevent the transmission of HIV in heterosexual couples around 87% of the time.  The fact is condoms do a very good job of preventing the transmission of HIV.

Of course, if there is any group of people unlikely to use condoms consistently and correctly, it’s teenagers.  And if there is any demographic group of teenagers most unlikely to use condoms consistently and correctly when they have sex it is evangelical teens.  They are less likely to have sex than other groups of teens.  But if they do, they rarely use condoms.  And there are some STI’s like the incurable HPV (genital warts) that condoms do not prevent at all, because they are transmitted by skin contact, not fluid exchange.  So it’s hard to take any comfort in condom’s ability to prevent pregnancy and STI’s.

But even more important, perhaps, are the other ways that sex changes things.  A condom may protect your body against pregnancy or HIV.  But there is no condom on earth that can protect your heart, your mind and your soul from the way that sex changes things.

Additional Resource:

• Listen to a recording of this lesson being taught as part of our 2010 TLW series here.
• And while you’re at it, if you’d like, you can also subscribe to our podcast either on iTunes or via RSS.

Click here to see the rest of our True Love Waits posts all in one place.

In the third lesson of True Love Waits, we attempt to correct a common problem to purity series. Specifically, I’ve noticed it’s common to pay a lot of attention to the waiting part, but not spend much time even considering the issue of true love. Yet it’s true love that we believe is worth waiting for.  So what do we know about true love.

I start teaching this lesson by showing the scene from Princess Bride in which Inigo and Fezzik take what turns out to be a mostly dead Westley to Miracle Max in hopes of a resurrection pill.  Max proves skeptical and refuses to act for anything less than a noble cause.  When he puts the question (and a few billows of air) to Westley, Westley replies “true love.”

Max eventually acknowledges:

Sonny, true love is the greatest thing in the world…except for a nice MLT – mutton, lettuce and tomato sandwich, where the mutton is nice and lean and the tomato is ripe.

And the Bible agrees.

Many waters cannot quench love;
rivers cannot sweep it away.
If one were to give
all the wealth of one’s house for love,
it would be utterly scorned. (Song of Solomon 8:7, NIV)

After the jump we’ll talk a bit more about this incredible gift of love, as well as what happens when we despise the gift by trading it to satisfy carnal desires.  You’ll find a summary of our sermon, as well as our fill-in-the-blanks outline for the lesson, and sermon audio of the lesson taught live.

The Bible teaches that true love is our God-given destiny.  God created us to love and to be loved, not just because it brings us joy, but also because it teaches us about His love for us.  What’s more, the story of Genesis tells us that man without love is incomplete.  Throughout Genesis 1, God declares his creation good.  But when he sees man alone, with no one to love, he says this is not good.  Man without someone else to love is shown as incomplete, and when a couple marry, they become one complete flesh.  Of course, we want to clarify that the Bible also teaches that some people are not destined to marry.  There are roads to completeness in Christ that may not involve marriage.  But no one can be complete without loving.

Not only is true love our destiny, it also becomes a source of joy in our lives.  Proverbs 5:18-19 says:

May your fountain be blessed,
and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth.
A loving doe, a graceful deer—
may her breasts satisfy you always,
may you ever be captivated by her love. (NIV)

This passage describes the true joy we find in true love: blessing, rejoicing, satisfaction and even captivation.  God designed us to be satisfied by our spouse and captivated by their love.

Additionally, true love brings success and demands respect.  Proverbs 31:10-11 acknowledges that love provides us with every good thing.  Granted, love may not lead to material wealth, but even the richest life is unutterably poor if it lacks love.  Later in that same passage, verses 23-31 speak of how true love earns respect, settles for no less than respect and receives respect.

So it’s easy to see why the Song of Solomon would say that true love is our most precious possession.  But if that is the case, why do so many settle for so much less?

We can learn a lesson from an Old Testament story that the author of Hebrews will later cite in regard to sexual morality.  It’s the story of Jacob and Esau.  In Israel, being the oldest child had its privileges. If you were the oldest, you knew that one day you would inherit your father’s place of honor in the family and tribe. You would also inherit a double portion of your father’s wealth when he died. And with that inheritance, you’d also accept responsibility for providing for your family.  All of these rights and responsibilities were called the birthright.

When Isaac and Rebekah had their two sons, they soon discovered that this birthright was a source of conflict for their twin boys.  In fact, the Bible says that even in the womb the two twins fought for dominance, and while Esau was born first, Jacob followed immediately after, holding on to the ankle of his brother as if in one last attempt to pull himself into first place.  But Jacob failed and Esau got all the advantages.  He was oldest. He had the birthright. And to top it all off, he was his father’s favorite.

That doesn’t mean that Jacob was content for second place, however.  Jacob may have been younger, but he was Rebekah’s favorite, and he had the brains and initiative to do something about it.

One day, as usual, Esau was out hunting and Jacob was home cooking.  Esau returns from the hunt hungry, and smells the meal his brother is preparing.  Unwilling to wait until the family came together to share a meal, Esau begs for food right now.  Jacob, seeing his advantage, presses it.  “I will give you some stew,” he offers, “in exchange for the birthright.”

Esau was so focused on his immediate hunger, he failed to understand that if he’d just wait, he could have some of the stew just like the rest of the family.  What’s more, he also failed to value his birthright.  He was more than happy to trade this future benefit for food right now.  And in doing so, Genesis 25:34 says that Esau “despised his birthright.”

Later on, the author of Hebrews will remember this story.  And while teaching about the importance of sexual purity and holiness, the author writes:

See that no one is sexually immoral, or is godless like Esau, who for a single meal sold his inheritance rights as the oldest son. Afterward, as you know, when he wanted to inherit this blessing, he was rejected. Even though he sought the blessing with tears, he could not change what he had done. (Hebrews 12:16-17, NIV)

He uses the story of Esau to warn against sexual immorality, which he describes as “godless.”  Quite frankly, that is a very poor translation of that word.  In Greek the word is bebelos which literally translated means “profane.” Profane (bebelos) is the opposite of holy (hagios).  Holy means something is set apart, access restricted, consecrated to God and God alone.  The temple is holy.  It’s inner courts are open only to the priests, and the Holy of Holies in the center of the sanctuary is even more restricted, accessible only to one person (the high priest) and that only once a year (on the day of atonement.)

The most glaring example of profanity in the Old Testament happens as Jerusalem falls to the Greeks and their ruler Antiochus IV.  Daniel refers to the acts of Antiochus IV as the abomination that causes desolation.  What did Antiochus do that was so bad?  Under his orders, the Greeks entered the temple, daring even to violate the sanctity of the Holy of Holies, and dedicated the temple to the worship of Zeus.  They set up a pagan altar there, and opened the temple to anyone and everyone.  Antiochus profaned the temple. He took something that was set apart for God and God alone, and made it open and accessible to all.

In much the same way, Esau profaned his birthright. He didn’t conquer a foreign capital or set up a pagan altar. But he did take something that was set apart for him and him alone, and he traded it away to someone else for a momentary and temporary pleasure.

And when we sin sexually we profane our birthright. Our birthright is true love.  Our birthright is satisfying and captivating sex with our spouse.  Our birthright is the joy, success and respect of true love. But all too often we get so caught up in our hunger right now that we fail to rightly value our birthright.  And we take our sexual intimacy, the one thing that is set apart for one person and one person only–our spouse–and we make it open and accessible to others.  The sexually immoral really are profane like Esau.

And notice what else the author of Hebrews says.  Esau, when he recognized his mistake, sought a change of mind with tears, but he failed.  There was no going back on this mistake.  Granted, the Bible does say that God offers grace and forgiveness.  If anyone is in Christ, he or she is a new creation (2 Corinthians 5:17). But even though we are forgiven and recreated, we still have to deal with the consequences of our actions.

So, if true love is so good, and the consequences of failure are so bad why would anyone trade their birthright for such a temporary pleasure?

• It happens because we are short-sighted. We get so focused on the right now we fail to rightly value our future birthright.
• It happens because we are stupid. God promises to provide a way out of temptation (1 Corinthians 10:13) but we fail to take the exits he provides exposing us to unnecessary temptation.
• It happens because we are naive. We don’t understand the things that make us more susceptible to temptation like hunger, anger, lonliness or being tired.
• It happens because we are carnal. We are led by our appetites and not by our minds.
• It happens because we are impatient. We are unwilling to wait for what God has promised.
• It happens because we are insecure. We don’t wait for true love because deep down we’re not sure we deserve it.
• It happens because we are prideful. We assume if we are ever going to find love, we have to go and make it for ourselves.
• It happens because we are desperate. We make mistakes because we worry that if we are ever going to know true love, our current relationship may be our last chance.

How do we avoid these mistakes.  The solution is as simple as it is profound.  We trust. We trust what God says about the value of true love. We trust that God really wants to supply our deepest needs.  We trust that God’s rules are in place not only for our protection, but also for our enjoyment. And we trust in God’s incredible grace, a grace that gives us far more that we could ever deserve.

Additional Resources:

• Download a copy of our fill-in-the-blanks outline for this lesson here. Note, this copy is designed for two-sided printing, so when you fold it in half, you get a four-page folder.
• Listen to a recording of this lesson being taught as part of our 2010 TLW series here.
• And while you’re at it, if you’d like, you can also subscribe to our podcast either on iTunes or via RSS.

Click here to see the rest of our True Love Waits posts all in one place.

In week two of our True Love Waits series we address the very prevalent problem of pornography that our students face.  The goal of the lesson is to challenge them to see through the myth that someone pornography will leave them more knowledgeable and more experienced, and as a result better lovers.  Instead we hope to help them see that pornography may, in fact, sabotage their hopes for a healthy sex life later in life.

This may seem like a bit of a backwards approach to the subject.  And really it is, at least according to our normal way of teaching.  Typically we start with Scripture and work from there.  But we find that students already know deep down that looking at pornography is wrong.  And yet they do it anyway.  They don’t need us to prove to them that pornography is wrong.  They need us to help them see that it is not only wrong, but also harmful.

After the jump you’ll find a summary of our sermon on the subject, as well as the fill-in-the-blank outline we use and audio from this sermon, as preached as part of our 2010 series.

I usually begin by telling a story, a mostly true story, about a young man I call Mark. The story is edited slightly from a case study found in Josh McDowell’s Handbook on Counseling Youth. (Disclosure: this and any other links to Amazon on Sampler to Sower are affiliate links. If you go to Amazon from these links and purchase something, you earning StS some ad revenue.) The story, as I tell it, goes something like this:

Mark was eleven years old the first time it happened. He was sleeping over at his friend Tim’s house when Tim told him about some magazines his dad had in the basement. Together they went down into the basement and spent the day thumbing through magazines full of glossy photos of naked and half-naked women. Mark had never seen anything like this before and he liked what he saw.

Even after Mark left he found himself thinking a lot about what he had seen in Tim’s basement. The pictures played through his mind at the weirdest times and he couldn’t seem to get rid of the thoughts.

Not that he really wanted to though. Every chance he got, Mark went over to Tim’s house and revisited the secret stack of fantasy women. Mark and time still played basketball together. They still rode bikes around the neighborhood. They still watched cartoons and sitcom reruns together. But they found themselves doing these things less and less. More and more they found themselves in the basement looking through magazines.

Over the next few years, their interest in these things grew and grew. Mark and Tim discovered Tim’s father’s video collection and figured out how to make copies of the best movies, which Mark hid away at home to watch later. But one day Mark hit a gold mine.

He was on the Internet and often enjoyed “chatting” with friends in a chat room when someone sent a email with an attached file. When he downloaded the file, an arrangement of ten photos appeared on his screen, showing men and women in different sexual activities. Mark saved the file and learned from his new friend where he could find more–and more perverse–pictures, stories and movie clips online. Mark told Tim about his discovery and together they began to create their own collection of porn, not in piles of magazines in the basement, but stacks of files and folders on their hard drive.

What began as a harmless game between friends grew to become an obsession for Mark. By the time he was 13 he had a huge collection of these pictures and stories. When Mark was 14, he disappeared. Later, authorities examining Mark’s computer discovered he had been lured into meeting an online friend – a meeting from which he never returned.

It’s a story that unfortunately resonates with many teens because, with the exception of possible abduction at the conclusion of the story, they have done and felt many of the same things.

From there we begin to talk about what pornography is and why it is a problem.  We look at a couple of definitions, first from the US Attorney General’s Commission on Pornography: “material that is predominantly sexually explicit, and intended primarily for the purpose of sexual arousal,” and also from author Langly Longford who writes that porn is “that which exploits and dehumanizes sex so that human beings are treated as things and women in particular as sex objects.”

From those we develop our working definition for pornography, specifically that Pornography is media which distorts the truth about sex. Porn dehumanizes sex, reducing participants to mere animals who simply act out according to their physical appetites.  Porn disconnects sex, failing to recognize the bonding that takes place between participants. And porn objectifies sex, teaching us to relate to others, not as others, but as objects.

But how big of a problem is it?  In our series I use some numbers from research conducted in the early 2000′s and updated in 2008.  It’s time to re-research these figures.  But here’s what I know.

First, according to testimony before a subcommittee of the US Senate Judiciary committee, so called adult bookstores once outnumbered McDonald’s restaurants in the US by at least three to one. (You can look this up yourself here.  Look at page 227 of the transcripts; page 232 of the PDF file.)  And this was 1984, before the rise of internet pornography.

And lest you take comfort in the fact that minors aren’t allowed in such establishments, at least one study has suggested that over 70% of the pornographic magazines sold in the United States find their way into the possession of minors. (That study was cited in Les Parrott III’s Helping the Struggling Adolescent.) And again, all this was before the age of the internet.

Just how prevalent is it?  According to research by Jennings Bryant presented to the Attorney General’s Commission on Pornography, 91% of Junior High boys in his study reported having seen hardcore pornography before, and 82% of Junior High girls said the same thing. Do I need to remind you again that this was before the rise of the internet?

Finally, in a study conducted by Josh McDowell as part of his Right from Wrong book, one out of every six students active in an evangelical youth group admitted to having watched an x-rated movie in the three months before the survey.  It’s not just a problem for adults, not just a problem for non-churched students.  This is a problem for our students.

From there, we discuss the harmful effects of pornography on those who view it. We focus on how pornography warps us.

First it warps our relationship with others.  It turns us into voyeurs, no longer seeking pleasure and fulfillment from relationships, but rather looking for gratification from what we see.  It makes us view others as objects, no longer people, but rather simply potentially useful tools to satisfy our desires.  And finally it promotes a false standard of beauty. To illustrate this fact, I typically show students examples of the kind of retouching that photography gets in the media. I show them examples from retouchers’ portfolios online, such as Glen Feron and Greg Apodaca while keeping in mind not all photos in those portfolios are appropriate to show in a worship service.  The point is to help students understand that consumers of media have a standard of beauty that the models themselves can’t live up to.

But it’s not just the way we relate to others that can be damaged by pornography. It also warps our own sexuality. For this section I rely on a good deal of research that can be found in McDowell and Parrott’s books, as well as an article called “The Subtle Dangers of Pornography which can be found on the website pureintimacy.org.  How does pornography warp our sexuality.  First it leads to dissatisfaction.  Those who repeatedly view pornography report increasing dissatisfaction with their real world partners.

Secondly, it distorts our understanding of sex.  People exposed to pornography increasingly devalue faithfulness and value sex without attachment. Another study discovered porn leaves the impression with viewers that sex has no relationship to privacy, is unrelated to love, commitment or marriage, that deviant sexual practices are more common than they really are, and that irresponsible sex has no consequnences.

Thirdly, it can lead to sexual addiction. Like drug addicts who continually have to look for higher doses and harder drugs to get the same physical response, repeated exposure to pornography leaves us desensitized to sex and consumers, no longer excited by the depiction of common sexual scenes begin to seek out more explicit and more deviant depictions to find that same excitement they used to feel. It becomes an addiction.

Finally, it can lead to sexual violence. Psychologist Edward Donnerstein found that even brief exposure to violent forms of pornography can lead to antisocial behavior. Men tend to become more aggressive toward women, and more calloused to the pain and suffering of rape victim. Porn teaches viewers the lie that women secretly desire to be raped and that rape is not a criminal offense. (Source: “The Pornography Plague“). Another study, published in Psychology Today, found that 41% of participants who viewed a scene in which women were depicted as being aroused while being raped said that after seeing that scene they might rape if they could be certain they wouldn’t be caught. (Source: Helping the Struggling Adolescent).

Thirdly, Pornography warps our minds. Because of the way the human brain is designed to work, the hormones released by the pleasure of viewing pornography causes the memories of what we see to be very vivid and very permanent. This is by God’s design. We are created to remember the things in life that give us pleasure. However, when we seek pleasure outside of God’s plans, we often remember things we wish we could forget.

What’s more, by feeding the beast of lust, we strengthen it’s hold on our lives.  It’s hard to escape the temptation of pornography when we are training ourselves to look lustfully at others.  As a result, our lives are filled with shame and regret, especially when we try to break the hold of pornography on our lives only to fail.  And finally, we wrestle with the guilt the inability to break the habit leaves in our life.

The best way to avoid these problems, is to avoid pornography from the start.  Don’t get addicted, and you don’t have to find a way to break an addiction. But for those in that 82-91% for whom this message is already to late, encourage them that it is possible to break the pornography habit.  It requires prayer, a prayer for forgiveness and a prayer for grace.

It also requires taking advantage of the opportunities God provides.  I find in the face of any temptation, God provides what I call a moment of clarity. I don’t know if it works this way for everyone, but when I am tempted to do something I know is wrong, there is a moment when I know I’m getting into dangerous territory.  I think it works this way for everyone because God has promised:

No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted,[c] he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it. (1 Corinthians 10:13, NIV)

Sometimes that moment of clarity happens just before I make the decision to give into temptation or not.  Often it happens much earlier, when I realize I’m getting myself into a situation where I am likely to be tempted.  The key is to take advantage of the moment of clarity when it occurs.  It’s easy to rationalize, to say to yourself, “It’s ok; I’m not doing anything wrong yet.”  But the secret to success in beating temptation is to refuse to rationalize and change what you are doing immediately when you have that moment of clarity.  If God warns, “You’re getting into a situation where you are going to be tempted,” change your situation.

Finally, it requires accountability.  I encourage students who may be struggling with pornography to talk to someone they can trust about it.  I warn them to choose carefully, because some people can’t be trusted with a confidence, and others may not give them sound advice.  But I also remind them that given the statistics (82-91%) I already assume most of them struggle with the problem of pornography.  I won’t look down on them if they admit what I already suspect.  Instead, without judging, I will try to help hold them accountable to the decisions God is calling them to make.

Additional Resources:

• Download a copy of our fill-in-the-blanks outline for this lesson here. This is a master copy, with the blanks filled in.
• Listen to a recording of this lesson being taught as part of our 2010 TLW series here.
• And while you’re at it, if you’d like, you can also subscribe to our podcast either on iTunes or via RSS.

Click here to see the rest of our True Love Waits posts all in one place.

In the first lesson of our True Love Waits series each year, we attempt to redefine the goal.  True Love Waits (TLW) is not just about helping teens remain virgins, it is about helping them live lives of true purity.

We take as our text 2 Corinthians 11:2

I am jealous for you with a godly jealousy. I promised you to one husband, to Christ, so that I might present you as a pure virgin to him. (NIV)

In modern English, “virgin” and “chaste” are practically synonymous (if, that is, anyone even  knows the word “chaste” any more).  Yet biblically speaking they are not the same thing.  Otherwise, Paul’s description here would be redundant.  Why does he feel the need to clarify the church is to be presented as a pure virgin?

After the jump, we’ll walk you through the rest of the lesson, as well as provide a copy of our sermon notes, a link to the audio of this sermon, and a script for a drama that can be used with this lesson. Just click on “More.”

We typically start this lesson with a game.  I particularly like the game taboo because it gets students thinking about words.  After playing taboo, I ask what clues they would give to get someone to guess the word “virginity.”  I do the same thing for the word “chastity.”  Students typically have no trouble communicating what virgin means.  But chastity is a term that many are not familiar with.

From there we turn to the dictionary.  According to the American Heritage Dictionary, virgin means someone who has not had sexual intercourse.  Pretty straightforward, and typical of students’ understanding.  Chaste on the other hand is not so common.  According to the same dictionary, chaste means “Morally pure in thought or conduct; decent and modest.”  We point out that while it is technically possible to be a virgin and not be pure, if we are pure, we will be a virgin, at least until we marry.

So if the definitions are so simple, why is this issue so complicated for students?  I think the temptation comes from the way we are made.

• God created us for sex, so we feel sexual curiosity.
• God created us to be attracted to the opposite sex, so we feel sexual attractions.
• God created us to enjoy sex with our spouse so we feel sexual hunger.

Ultimately, the temptations we struggle with have their roots in the way we were created by God.

And the issue is further complicated by the wisdom of the world which tells us we can indulge these temptations while remaining technically virgins. The world tells us:

• We explore our sexual curiosity with obscene talk and sexual innuendo.
• We indulge our sexual attraction by looking at photos, movies and television shows that expose us to sexual images.
• We can even satisfy our sexual hunger by engaging in things that while not intercourse still seek to gratify our sexual urges.

And we do so all the while comforting ourselves with the fact that technically we are still virgins.  Yet while we may do all these things and remain virgins, we cannot do them and remain pure.

To illustrate this fact, I originally taught this part of the lesson using a drama, either acted out live on stage, or more often the case pre-recorded and shown as a video.  Doing the video helps the actors feel a little more comfortable with the acting, and it also helps create believable sets.  If you’d like to try the sketch out yourself you can download the script here.

In recent years however, I’ve forgone the skit and instead come to church dressed in a brand new white shirt.  I prepare a bucket of dirt in advance.  Some years I’ve used mud.  This last year I ground up and powdered some charcoal to have dark, dry dirt.  Either way, as I talk about each of the things that the world says you can do to indulge your sexual appetites while remaining virgins, I take a good handful of dirt and smear it on my shirt.  At the end, I point out the irony of taking comfort in the fact we are virgins, when we are actually quite dirty, far from chaste. (BTW, that is definitely NOT me in the photo above, but you get the idea.)

We close the lesson by pointing out that God desires not just our virginity, but our chastity.

Additional Resources

• Download the Chastity Sketch script here.
• You can download a master copy of my fill-in-the blank sermon notes for this lesson here.
• You can listen to a recording of this lesson being taught as part of our 2010 TLW series here.
• And while you’re at it, if you’d like, you can also subscribe to our podcast either on iTunes or via RSS.

Click here to see the rest of our True Love Waits posts all in one place.

As I mentioned in a post a few years back, every three years our youth group features a special series called True Love Waits. Actually, I said we did it every two years, but we have since transitioned to a three year cycle.  The goal remains the same, to make sure we emphasize this subject and give every student the opportunity to make a True Love Waits pledge during their Junior High years.  We’ve transitioned to a once-every-three cycle because we’ve also transitioned from a 7 & 8 to a 6-8 Junior High ministry.

Recently some colleagues on my district have asked me to share the resources from this series so they can have a look at what we do.  And so I’m posting these here, not just to archive them for myself, but to make sharing them easier.

Today, after the jump, you’ll find the information we make available to parents at our parent’s meeting at the start of the series.  And in upcoming posts this week you’ll find the rest of the resources from the five week teaching series.

Parents’ Meeting:

At the outset of every True Love Waits series, we host a parents’ meeting to introduce the parents of our students to the series.  In this meeting, we focus on explaining why teaching purity is so important, especially to teens as young as Junior High age. We also seek to help parents understand the things they can do to help their children make good choices, as well as explain their part in the ring ceremony that concludes the series.

At the parent’s meeting, we provide two resources.  The first is “A Report on Teenage Sexuality.”  This is a compilation of my research prior to our first True Love Waits series, updated in 2008.  It outlines both the symptoms and causes of teenage promiscuity, and seeks to help parents understand how they can help their students.

The second is an outline for the presentation I make explaining the True Love Waits series to them.  I pass out fill in the blank outlines, included here is my master copy.

Click here to see the rest of our True Love Waits posts all in one place.