From Sampler to Sower

In the third lesson of True Love Waits, we attempt to correct a common problem to purity series. Specifically, I’ve noticed it’s common to pay a lot of attention to the waiting part, but not spend much time even considering the issue of true love. Yet it’s true love that we believe is worth waiting for.  So what do we know about true love.

I start teaching this lesson by showing the scene from Princess Bride in which Inigo and Fezzik take what turns out to be a mostly dead Westley to Miracle Max in hopes of a resurrection pill.  Max proves skeptical and refuses to act for anything less than a noble cause.  When he puts the question (and a few billows of air) to Westley, Westley replies “true love.”

Max eventually acknowledges:

Sonny, true love is the greatest thing in the world…except for a nice MLT – mutton, lettuce and tomato sandwich, where the mutton is nice and lean and the tomato is ripe.

And the Bible agrees.

Many waters cannot quench love;
rivers cannot sweep it away.
If one were to give
all the wealth of one’s house for love,
it would be utterly scorned. (Song of Solomon 8:7, NIV)

After the jump we’ll talk a bit more about this incredible gift of love, as well as what happens when we despise the gift by trading it to satisfy carnal desires.  You’ll find a summary of our sermon, as well as our fill-in-the-blanks outline for the lesson, and sermon audio of the lesson taught live.

The Bible teaches that true love is our God-given destiny.  God created us to love and to be loved, not just because it brings us joy, but also because it teaches us about His love for us.  What’s more, the story of Genesis tells us that man without love is incomplete.  Throughout Genesis 1, God declares his creation good.  But when he sees man alone, with no one to love, he says this is not good.  Man without someone else to love is shown as incomplete, and when a couple marry, they become one complete flesh.  Of course, we want to clarify that the Bible also teaches that some people are not destined to marry.  There are roads to completeness in Christ that may not involve marriage.  But no one can be complete without loving.

Not only is true love our destiny, it also becomes a source of joy in our lives.  Proverbs 5:18-19 says:

May your fountain be blessed,
and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth.
A loving doe, a graceful deer—
may her breasts satisfy you always,
may you ever be captivated by her love. (NIV)

This passage describes the true joy we find in true love: blessing, rejoicing, satisfaction and even captivation.  God designed us to be satisfied by our spouse and captivated by their love.

Additionally, true love brings success and demands respect.  Proverbs 31:10-11 acknowledges that love provides us with every good thing.  Granted, love may not lead to material wealth, but even the richest life is unutterably poor if it lacks love.  Later in that same passage, verses 23-31 speak of how true love earns respect, settles for no less than respect and receives respect.

So it’s easy to see why the Song of Solomon would say that true love is our most precious possession.  But if that is the case, why do so many settle for so much less?

We can learn a lesson from an Old Testament story that the author of Hebrews will later cite in regard to sexual morality.  It’s the story of Jacob and Esau.  In Israel, being the oldest child had its privileges. If you were the oldest, you knew that one day you would inherit your father’s place of honor in the family and tribe. You would also inherit a double portion of your father’s wealth when he died. And with that inheritance, you’d also accept responsibility for providing for your family.  All of these rights and responsibilities were called the birthright.

When Isaac and Rebekah had their two sons, they soon discovered that this birthright was a source of conflict for their twin boys.  In fact, the Bible says that even in the womb the two twins fought for dominance, and while Esau was born first, Jacob followed immediately after, holding on to the ankle of his brother as if in one last attempt to pull himself into first place.  But Jacob failed and Esau got all the advantages.  He was oldest. He had the birthright. And to top it all off, he was his father’s favorite.

That doesn’t mean that Jacob was content for second place, however.  Jacob may have been younger, but he was Rebekah’s favorite, and he had the brains and initiative to do something about it.

One day, as usual, Esau was out hunting and Jacob was home cooking.  Esau returns from the hunt hungry, and smells the meal his brother is preparing.  Unwilling to wait until the family came together to share a meal, Esau begs for food right now.  Jacob, seeing his advantage, presses it.  “I will give you some stew,” he offers, “in exchange for the birthright.”

Esau was so focused on his immediate hunger, he failed to understand that if he’d just wait, he could have some of the stew just like the rest of the family.  What’s more, he also failed to value his birthright.  He was more than happy to trade this future benefit for food right now.  And in doing so, Genesis 25:34 says that Esau “despised his birthright.”

Later on, the author of Hebrews will remember this story.  And while teaching about the importance of sexual purity and holiness, the author writes:

See that no one is sexually immoral, or is godless like Esau, who for a single meal sold his inheritance rights as the oldest son. Afterward, as you know, when he wanted to inherit this blessing, he was rejected. Even though he sought the blessing with tears, he could not change what he had done. (Hebrews 12:16-17, NIV)

He uses the story of Esau to warn against sexual immorality, which he describes as “godless.”  Quite frankly, that is a very poor translation of that word.  In Greek the word is bebelos which literally translated means “profane.” Profane (bebelos) is the opposite of holy (hagios).  Holy means something is set apart, access restricted, consecrated to God and God alone.  The temple is holy.  It’s inner courts are open only to the priests, and the Holy of Holies in the center of the sanctuary is even more restricted, accessible only to one person (the high priest) and that only once a year (on the day of atonement.)

The most glaring example of profanity in the Old Testament happens as Jerusalem falls to the Greeks and their ruler Antiochus IV.  Daniel refers to the acts of Antiochus IV as the abomination that causes desolation.  What did Antiochus do that was so bad?  Under his orders, the Greeks entered the temple, daring even to violate the sanctity of the Holy of Holies, and dedicated the temple to the worship of Zeus.  They set up a pagan altar there, and opened the temple to anyone and everyone.  Antiochus profaned the temple. He took something that was set apart for God and God alone, and made it open and accessible to all.

In much the same way, Esau profaned his birthright. He didn’t conquer a foreign capital or set up a pagan altar. But he did take something that was set apart for him and him alone, and he traded it away to someone else for a momentary and temporary pleasure.

And when we sin sexually we profane our birthright. Our birthright is true love.  Our birthright is satisfying and captivating sex with our spouse.  Our birthright is the joy, success and respect of true love. But all too often we get so caught up in our hunger right now that we fail to rightly value our birthright.  And we take our sexual intimacy, the one thing that is set apart for one person and one person only–our spouse–and we make it open and accessible to others.  The sexually immoral really are profane like Esau.

And notice what else the author of Hebrews says.  Esau, when he recognized his mistake, sought a change of mind with tears, but he failed.  There was no going back on this mistake.  Granted, the Bible does say that God offers grace and forgiveness.  If anyone is in Christ, he or she is a new creation (2 Corinthians 5:17). But even though we are forgiven and recreated, we still have to deal with the consequences of our actions.

So, if true love is so good, and the consequences of failure are so bad why would anyone trade their birthright for such a temporary pleasure?

• It happens because we are short-sighted. We get so focused on the right now we fail to rightly value our future birthright.
• It happens because we are stupid. God promises to provide a way out of temptation (1 Corinthians 10:13) but we fail to take the exits he provides exposing us to unnecessary temptation.
• It happens because we are naive. We don’t understand the things that make us more susceptible to temptation like hunger, anger, lonliness or being tired.
• It happens because we are carnal. We are led by our appetites and not by our minds.
• It happens because we are impatient. We are unwilling to wait for what God has promised.
• It happens because we are insecure. We don’t wait for true love because deep down we’re not sure we deserve it.
• It happens because we are prideful. We assume if we are ever going to find love, we have to go and make it for ourselves.
• It happens because we are desperate. We make mistakes because we worry that if we are ever going to know true love, our current relationship may be our last chance.

How do we avoid these mistakes.  The solution is as simple as it is profound.  We trust. We trust what God says about the value of true love. We trust that God really wants to supply our deepest needs.  We trust that God’s rules are in place not only for our protection, but also for our enjoyment. And we trust in God’s incredible grace, a grace that gives us far more that we could ever deserve.

Additional Resources:

• Download a copy of our fill-in-the-blanks outline for this lesson here. Note, this copy is designed for two-sided printing, so when you fold it in half, you get a four-page folder.
• Listen to a recording of this lesson being taught as part of our 2010 TLW series here.
• And while you’re at it, if you’d like, you can also subscribe to our podcast either on iTunes or via RSS.

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