From Sampler to Sower

Weekend Teaching Series: Write them On My Heart (A series on the 10 Commandments)

Message Title: Word Five: You will Honor Your Father and Mother

Sermon in a Sentence: God calls us to understand the importance of our parents in our life, and to treat them with the respect they deserve.

Text(s): Deuteronomy 5:16; Ephesians 6:1

Weekend Scale of Difficulty: 7 of 10; Two video clips tonight, including one that needed some editing.  Lots of unusual buttons and cues for tech crew.  But what really made it tough was the subject matter.  If you’re honest and faithful both to scripture and the realities in which your teens live, this subject can be messy and brings up tough questions that defy easy answers.

Message Summary: We started by breaking out the Beat Box and kickin’ it old school.  The year was 1988.  It was the summer after my eighth grade year.  (And yes, that really is me on the right.)  I was at Purdue university, enrolled in their Star program, taking classes in Biology and Chemistry.  I was walking from my dorm to the science building for class when a car drove by with windows down.  And for the first time in my life, this boy from Nowhereville, Indiana heard rap.  It was DJ Jazzy Jeff and the Fresh Prince with their 1988 hit “Parents Just Don’t Understand”

(Did you know that iTunes actually sells this old music video?  It was at this point that we played it. Or at least the first “verse.” Before you show it, take time to examine the graffiti in the background and edit out any you find too offensive. It goes by quick and is hard to notice, but you might want to redact some of it.)

This set up the idea that “parents just don’t understand.”  We explored the gulf of misunderstanding between teens and parents, then looked to see what God, who understands everything, has to say on the subject.

What does it mean to “Honor” our mother and father?  This Hebrew word literally means to treat as heavy or weighty.  (And of course we laughed at the idea that God wants us to treat our parents as if they were weighty.)  But what it ultimately boils down to is that God wants us to understand just how important our parents are to us and treat them with the proper respect in light of that fact.

Why are parents so important.  The fifth commandment spells that out too – so we might live long and do well.  You cannot live long and do well in the world until you learn how to give proper respect to those in authority, and our parents are the first authority figures in our life.

We also looked at Ephesians 6:1 and saw that God doesn’t just call us to honor our parents when they are right.  Instead he says it is right for us to honor our parents.  Whether they are right or wrong, it is still our responsibility to treat them with proper respect.

So how do we do that.  I suggested there were five things we needed to understand about our relationship with our parents if we want to honor them:

1) We have to understand where the conflict comes from.  We discussed the causes of teen/parent conflict, especially the conflict between growing into freedom and responsibility while still living under the responsible authority of parents.  It’s a new dynamic in adolescence, and it takes time to work through the implications.  That means teen/parent conflict is both natural and normal, and we don’t need to beat ourselves up just because we don’t always see eye to eye.

2) We have to understand where our parents are coming from. Here we noted that there are many factors that lead parents to make the types of decisions we might not like.  Parents have to take into account the bigger picture.  Parents have to treat children fairly (which contrary to popular opinion does not mean treating everyone the same.  It means treating each person according to their unique needs and circumstances.)  And parents have many God given duties (the duty to train, to discipline, to provide for, to be present and involved with, to avoid provoking unto wrath) some of which at times conflict with each other (to provide vs to be present with, to discipline vs to not provoke).

3) We have to understand and exemplify the virtues of childhood. Childhood is not an age, it’s an office.  And all of us are not only the children of someone, but we are called by God to become like a little child.  The virtues of childhood are humility (remembering our place), trust (offering the benefit of the doubt, even when we don’t always understand), and obedience.

4) We have to understand the things that we and our parents have in common.  Both parents and children desperately need the encouragement and support that comes from a strong and grace-filled family.  And both parents and children what what is best for the child, even if they don’t always agree or understand what that is.   If we can work trough disagreement and come to these things we have in common, we can overcome our differences.

5) We have to understand how to fight fair and give grace. Granted fight might not be the right word, but there is a place and a need for disagreement in the parent/teen relationship.  Learning how to express disagreement with while still showing proper respect to those in authority is a vital life lesson teens must learn.  We can disagree respectfully if we will 1) Set the example.  (That’s right, it’s our duty as children to set the example for our parents about how to have a respectful loving relationship.  See 1 Timothy 4:12.  That’s not to say our parents don’t have a duty to set an example for us.  But just because they don’t always live up to that duty doesn’t excuse us from setting an example ourselves.) 2) Control your anger. 3) Deal with issues, don’t attack the person.  4) Deal with issues, don’t deflect attention by digging up unrelated failures.  5) Ultimately we must remember our place.  (While there is room in the parent/teen relationship for disagreement, there is not room for disobedience, and sometimes even though we disagree we are still called to obey.)

But most importantly once we’ve disagreed, we must show grace.  If we want our parents to give us the benefit of the doubt and offer us a second chance, we must be willing to offer them the same.

If you’re interested you can download the powerpoint for this lesson here.  It’s a Office 2003 document.

Volunteer/Student Involvement: Really expected a lot from our student volunteers tonight, especially with an iTunes video running separately from our EasyWorship.  Two computers, weird sound settings.  And they did great!

Element of Fun/Positive Environment: In addition to the 80s video, which the teens loved, we also played Bluefish TV’s PSA “Spend Quality Time With Your Parents” during offering which most got a kick out of.

Plus, I couldn’t resist playing the KazooKeyLele video while the Senior Highers were coming in for worship.

Worship Set: Hallelujah, Your Love is Amazing; Marvelous Light; Mighty to Save; Majesty (Martin Smith’s version, not Jack Hayford’s); and Forever.  In Senior High we closed with Mighty to Save – the subject of family shed a new light on those lyrics.  And for all those struggling with parent/teen relationships that seem like they will never improve, the chorus “Savior, He Can Move the Mountains, My God is Mighty to Save” was the word of hope they needed to hear.

Favorite Moment: That’s really tough tonight.  There were several.  When I talked about the Bible saying Fathers were not to provoke their children to wrath, someone wanted to know the reference for that one.  “Ephesians 6:1,”  I said.  “Memorize that reference.  You don’t even need to memorize the verse.  Just memorize the reference and next time your dad’s making you really mad, just get out the Bible and look it up and have him read it to you.”

I also had a blast after service when Scott showed off the new talk-box he build for his electric guitar. It’s a lousy picture from my camera phone, but the talk-box was awesome and the knowledge that Scott built it himself was cool.

But honestly, my favorite part was getting the opportunity to speak God’s word to a bunch of teens that I love, especially in this area where I know so many of them are really struggling right now.  It amazes me how God can use even a sermon series to speak the right word at the right time to real people with real problems.